@peach414144 I've been submerging myself in electronic media for almost a month just watching listening and trying to deal with all undone things that will make me feel better. With covid I'd felt abandoned emotionally. My gentleman friend had multiple and increasing psychotic episodes. My stress level increased until I had muscle spasms on my second visit to the ER my physical pain was so extreme that I had a PTSD bread and finally scored. I refused psychotropic meds. Resting at home I had PT which helped me to actively release my physically tension. He's in memory care permanently. I realized that from a very young age everything and anything that went wrong I had told was my fault. I finally got it Not mtinto that I was only responsible for me and now what I need is self love. And the fact that my worst torture is OVER. And it comforts me to know that in after 73 years of anguish that all the people responsibe except 2 are dead. The last 2 have a foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I epitomize the expression revenge is best eaten cold. I'm enjoying Shadenfrued. It's a relief. I'm responsible for my own thoughts and deeds. The psychological effect of Ruth Bader Ginsberg dying on the evening beginning of Rosh Ashona was cathartic. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying. All the freedom I received as a woman was due to her efforts. I feel hopeful that I can keep going without any drawbacks. Only regrets are it took 77 years to get here.