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How brave to share your story. My thoughts are that we as women tend to be caretakers and want to help regardless of what's happened to us in the past. Then subconsciously we gravitate to people that are familiar alcoholics or abusers because that's what we know although that's not necessarily what we want. I agree with Ginger and change locks. You are observant in that you noticed familiar behavior that happened to trigger events from your past, recognized it, took measures to correct it and keep yourself safe. You are a conqueror!
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Thank you Marjou, It's nice to have our efforts recognized. I think battered women stay in abusive relationships because it's familiar and as with me I didn't know any other life. I couldn't picture myself in any other scenario, it was the norm for me. It wasn't until I went to the shelter and felt safe for the first time that I was able to think outside the box. Love, safety, happiness was only something I saw on TV and we all know that's not real..But boy once I got started with my recovery there was no stopping me. I became my own best friend. I loved ME for the first time and I loved the feeling of conquering my demons. Success is not measured in time, but in effort. There IS life after abuse and I am living proof of that. After 40 years of abuse, I fought to find and keep that which is rightfully mine, a life full of love, safety and happiness. My goal now is to reach out to others and help them find their way home, to help them see there is another way of life. I am at the beginning of writing a book of my experiences and how I fixed my life. How I empowered myself to to think differently, and how they can do it too. With the help of God I overcame and I want others to know they can too. Thanks for your reply... Jeanie
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Dear Jeannie: Been there, done what you are now experiencing and more then one time. It is a horror to experience this over and again in many ways. Getting professional help goes a long way but you are the one that must continue to work with this over and again just like you have been doing for all these many years.. Eventually it does work until the next time. I know because I have done this over and again and still continue to do so. It is like like a never ending horror story. Life goes on and the sun comes up so come to my garden and help me water the flowers. With love, Peach.