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@parus Depression, anxiety, PTSD, claustrophobia and a bunch of other things are a total mystery to many of the people who have never experienced them. Stigma is alive and well, I'm afraid.
I had an MRI last week and told the referring doctor that I was claustrophobic. She must have no idea what that means. She prescribed Ativan to take an hour ahead and a second one 15 minutes ahead. First, it's on my drug allergies list, and second, I've been taking Clonazepam for years, which is one of Ativan's cousins, so it had zero effect on me. A panic attack started before I got six inches into the machine. I closed my eyes and focused on arranging chords for a song we sing at church, and I managed to stop the panic in time.
I think PTSD has connections with panic/anxiety disorder. It generates some of the same signs in me.
I hear people all the time say that I have to let go of the past and its hurts. That the past is gone. That I shouldn't (there's that dread word, should) let my past control my present. But, the past has affected and shaped me, for good or for ill. I never hear anyone say that I need to let go of the good things in my past, yet they've also been part of the shaping process.
I'm afraid that I have selective remembering. I remember the things that aren't important and forget things that are.
I've been exposed to mindfulness many times over the past 15 years, and one thing that is stressed is not to deny my past, and not to shove it out of my mind, but to acknowledge the memories. That doesn't mean to dwell on them, but to respond to the memories in the positive ways I've learned in mindfulness training. I find that when I can do that, I'm able to move on and not become trapped by the past pain. It hasn't ceased to exist. It just doesn't have as much control over me that it use to.
We're all works in progress, aren't we.
Jim
Replies to "@parus Depression, anxiety, PTSD, claustrophobia and a bunch of other things are a total mystery to..."
Oh yes I must agree with you that panic and anxiety are still alive and active with my ptsd. Lt is very, very difficult tp stop when it is activated. peach
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@jimhd - Good morning. That must have been a frustrating and scary experience prior to and at the beginning of the MRI. The same thing happened to me a few months ago. When I was on the MRI table I could feel myself tense and thought, Oh ..... I yelled out, " stop" as the table started to go into the machine. The technician came in the room and talked to me. He put a light scarf over my head and just a bit of a corner allowed me to see what was going on. I've also been given the wrong drugs for different things. So what I do now is ask what is being prescribed and any side effects I might experience before the doctor leaves the room. This way I can control a situation like you mentioned. Drugs can be ordered so quickly with a computer that if a doctor hit the send key, it's too late to discuss anything, and you have a new prescription waiting for you.
Of course the past does shape and effect us, a lot. That doesn't mean that we have to carry it around and let it dictate how we react to those memories our entire lives. We can stuff them away, maybe not permanently, but for at least some of the time. It's amazing how many insensitive people there are that mean well but do not know how to do that. Other than walking away from them you might say, "sounds like you have through this, what's your secret?" By the way I struggled to come up with this one.
After 10 years of being free from my first cancer I had a new one, much different than the first. I was shocked beyond words. That started my journey of PTSD, migraines, etc. My upbringing and my sense of of the world around me came barreling in, like a tsunami overwhelming a beach. I fell asleep to the word, get over it by many people. It has taken me years to do just that but only after years of trying to deal with each situation.
When I remember it, I try to be mindful. I try to do the things that keep me healthy both physically and mentally but sometimes I don't.
One thing that I have to remember is that I am only remembering the past and it is the memory that hurts or makes me fearful. I find that I am not always successful in thinking positively about them. How do you do this?