@parus I understand where you are coming from. I had my own PTSD when I was facing my spine surgery and I had 2 years to worry about that before it happened. There were traumatic events in my past that were linked to the fear of pain and I had panic attacks every time I thought about surgery every morning for 4 months, then I started asking myself questions about where this fear had come from and why was I doing this to myself? I realized that we are not born with fear, and fear is learned in our experiences. I told myself that if fear was learned, then I could unlearn it, and I did. I realized that I had all the tools I needed to start confronting my fear. Fear sneaks up on you unconsciously, so get to know it and make friends with it so you can be at peace. It will still be there, but what is different is that you can control the fear instead of the fear controlling you and you can stop the automatic response. I had also compared the physical pain from whatever medical procedure I was feeling to a very painful experience before I came to Mayo where I had with a spinal injection that was the highest level of pain I had ever experienced, enough pain that I was uncontrollably shaking and couldn't stop for a long time and I was getting zapped with frequent stabbing electric shock pains that started with the injection and went on for a few weeks. I used to pass out from much less and I was well on my way to that, but after that procedure, I began using visualization of a beautiful place with deep slow breathing and imagined music I loved, and I was able to stop myself from passing out, a true victory. In comparison, I can tell myself that other issues are not as bad as that and it takes some power away from the apprehension. The pain from my spine surgery and the recovery afterward was not even close to the pain I had experienced from the spinal injection, and I could tolerate my surgical recovery without any pain medication. I had the prescriptions, but never took any. I was a little surprised by that because I had imagined it would be much worse, and that also speaks to how well I had defeated my fears. Fear increases pain a lot. I had been using music and breathing and learned to lower my blood pressure and I did that anytime I got nervous about surgery, so it was easy to use that as a method to remain calm and in control at a time when I really needed it. That's how I started confronting my fears, and later I added in artwork and doing sketches of my doctor which lead to something wonderful for me and that became my Mayo patient story. You can design your own emotional therapy with whatever creative outlet works for you.... maybe that's a walk outside in nature, a pet, music, crafts... humor. I hope that helps, and you are not alone. We are here for you.