Dear Peach, may I encourage you to not keep trying to turn off that passion I see in you that allows you the blessing of reaching out to find love and acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with it. In my personal opinion… and I hope I’m not overstepping a boundary, it’s not the bipolar, it’s the rejection and lack of love we felt as a child that causes us to be perhaps more needy than the average person. That, and mostly insecurity and low self-esteem that came with the territory. What’s “the average person” anyway? As far as I’ve witnessed in my life, most everyone is messed up from something. So we fit right in! LOL. ‘Embarrassment’ is a feeling, and I never tell anyone their feeling is right or wrong... it’s just your feeling. But I do wish you weren’t embarrassed about reaching out. We all need to feel loved and cared about and to feel accepted. It’s the way God wired us.

Just because we were damaged, doesn’t mean we’re “damaged goods.” There’s really nothing wrong with us. It would be more strange if we went through the trauma and were NOT depressed or hurt.

Thank goodness, the chemical depression is not giving me problems as long as I stay on the right antidepressant. The anxiety isn’t as bad as it was. I’ve learned to “let go and let God,” so I don’t worry about things for the most part.

One of the women I sponsor went from the Salvation Army by ambulance to ER last week due to severe pain from her recent spinal surgery. She was discharged but then went off the radar for three days. I care about her so of course I worried. My first instinct after two days of phone calls was to start searching for her. I got in my car with an enlarged photo of her and planned to go downtown to search for her, but I prayed more about it and decided to give it to God instead.

The next day I got a phone call from her and she was safe. The hospital had realized she was so depressed over the death of her husband whom she had nursed for three years with bone cancer before he died that they had transferred her to another hospital for a few more days of rest. So I’m glad I didn’t follow my impulse. I spent the day with her today and avoided a panic attack.

It’s taken a long time, but I’m learning to control my OCD. I don’t do it perfectly or all the time, but it helps me avoid a lot of burn out and stress.

Keep reaching out and know that you are loved by God and by us. You have friends here... people like Merry @merpreb and others who care about you. As Merry shared above, volunteering and giving my time to help others less fortunate helps me, as well. We do it first for them, but it helps us. When we help someone else, our body releases endorphins that actually allow us to feel joy. I do a lot of mentoring from my home. I can be laying down on a heating pad and make a phone call to someone who needs encouragement. You do it just by connecting with us.

God bless you, my friend. Love, Peggy 💕