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@merpreb Thank you for the update. I thought the D meant disorder. It just keeps getting worse. I know of no one that EMDR has helped. I tried it in 2010 and the trained therapist fell asleep. Just in one those whirlwinds. Stuffing it doesn’t help. Talk therapy has made it worse. Then I am told I don’t want to get better. Maybe I don’t on some level. I even
had a VNS and I still have flashbacks of that awful experience. Striving to overcome through denial. By now most would be boo-hooing in some shrink’s office. Most of the time I do okay enough. I don’t have a support system. Truth is I don’t play well with others as I can no longer be supportive of the needy.
Beyond grouchy and I know it. Not sure what triggered this and not important. Weary of looking for reasons. So angry I could spit but that would not be ladylike and the venom may contaminate the world. Still some humor left in good old parus.
Replies to "@merpreb Thank you for the update. I thought the D meant disorder. It just keeps getting..."
@parus- D does mean a disorder, sorry. Parus I'm sorry that your PTSD has gotten worse. You need to try another therapiist. You can't just give up on therapy. Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Treatment of PTSD? check this out >https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-therapy/about/pac-20384610.
We are your support system- you are so lucky. You found us and we are your new family and support. A lot of people haven't found Mayo Connect and are really really alone.
Talk and behavioral therapy can show you how to deal with these flareups. if you allow yourself to feel worse while dealing with your history, it will lessen it's importance in your present day life. I know it gets tiring, boring, threatening, scary.
I was very angry when I started therapy, this last time and stayed that way with the therapist for a long time and suddenly I realized that she had given me the tools and knowledge to gain power over things that I hadn't. For instance: After my mother died I had all of her sculptures all over the house. Every room was "MOM". And my big issues were with her and her emotional abuse. So every time I was home all I saw was "her." I finally packaged all but a good couple of pieces and my resentment and anger began to fade. I can now look back with a calmer sense of remembrance.
I also think that it's important to find out what triggers your PTSD. It's important because you can control the triggers if you let yourself. You really have to want it. You can do it! Because if you don't it will continue to get worse. Time to let go of feeling like crap, of letting yourself feel like crap. No matter who said or did something to you in the past should not be allowed to still have it.
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I so admire your persistence, @parus, as well as your ability to articulate your feelings.
Know that you are admired and appreciated👍