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@mcri May sound shallow, but there are others here who can empathize. I am sorry for what you and many others are still dealing with and what it done to our minds and bodies. I do "get it". I so understand what you are describing. We are not crazy even though it may feel this way. Safe hugs.
I live in texas i wish i could join a support group but i dont know where to go if anybody knows let me know
You might look for a NAMI support group in your area. They have great support groups. Here is a link to their website where you can see where the nearest chapter is, https://www.nami.org/Local-NAMI?state=TX
I hope that you can find the support that you need. I look forward to hearing from you again.
Teresa
Google "meetup" groups in area. If none, you can start one but it's a cost of about 10 or more a month to use their publicity and format.
Dear mcri I feel your pain and understand. It took me till I was 80 years old to be told by my psychiatrist that part of my suffering is due to ptsd from my family starting from birth. In a way it is good to know that there are other people in this world who can understand and know the suffering we have still inside of us. It may weaken, but it will always be there. I think this makes us much more understanding of the world and the people in it. We truly are not alone. I wish there were a way that this can be shared with others in a group setting. (None in my area).