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← Return to Anyone Else With PTSD?
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@parus @peach414144 @gagelle @desirea
Civilian PTSD is an insidious member of the invisible disease group. I think that it has made it hard for me to deal with other mental illnesses I have. I don't know enough about it, I guess, to understand what it does to me, or to recognize its presence.
I think that maybe it's what makes me feel weak and guilty for being depressed for so long. I talk with the therapist about the sources of PTSD, but depression gets talked about but not PTSD. I think I need to do more research on the subject so I can dig beneath the depression layer and begin working on what's keeping me from moving on.
The world is just beginning to treat battlefield PTSD, and I think that civilian PTSD is still under the radar.
Whenever I bring to mind the things that caused me traumatic stress, that's when I curl up in the fetal position, figuratively if not literally.
Being out, visiting hospice patients does help, but it's temporary, at best. I had to retire because I could no longer live under the traumatic stress in my job. I lost at least ten years of my career at that time. I hadn't planned to retire until I was the age I am now, 67. But the doctor was right. I would have killed myself if I hadn't retired and walked away from the stress.
I don't know what the solution is. I know what some of the solutions are, but I'm not sure what it is for me yet.
Maybe others will recommend some resources for civilian PTSD reading.
Jim
Replies to "@parus @peach414144 @gagelle @desirea Civilian PTSD is an insidious member of the invisible disease group. I..."
@jimhd Reading about PTSD throws me into it. i.e. reading about the disorder and the causes. I stay a way from reading about it by other authors. Creeps me out.
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One thing I learned in therapy is to avoid feeling guilty because it takes the focus off the perpetrators of the abuse and puts it on ourselves. It is a form of self-hatred. This is exactly what the abuser wants. It's alright to feel regret for poor decisions (which we all make.) but feeling guilty provides a false sense of control. In other words, if it's my fault, then I can control things. it's difficult to deeply understand how little we really can control in life. But to be able to live with that understanding is incredibly liberating. Each day becomes a blessing when we understand how tenuous life really is. Sometimes I find myself in awe at the beauty of a sunrise or at the charming sight of children playing. I never fully appreciated those things until I let go of the guilt. My therapist keeps telling me that I have to learn to love myself. I'm not completely there yet but working on it. I hope this helps.