Connect
← Return to Anyone Else With PTSD?
Discussion
Comment receiving replies
I have realized the more I started reading the more hopeless I became. What helps or works for one may harm another...my father always called me a lone fox as I much preferred nature and the creatures to hanging out or being sociable...weak-kneed describes me well now as my knees are in bad shape and doing physical therapy after being told to not walk since January and now being told to blah, blah, blah...I am weak in many ways and going through the bureaucratic hoops is part of life. Like so many things-"can't change it, can't fix it". By the time one hits 65 and can no longer physically work there is nothing much else left. I see people and smile and laugh-they all see me as happy, funny, entertaining...zaps my strength to do so and even a trip to the grocery is draining.
If knowledge is power and wisdom I have had my share...I stay safe w/ my paint brushes and now paint what is me and not what others want done for them.
I lived a life of being a people pleasing person and this achieved nothing other than wearing my body done to where it can no longer be a pack mule, work horse or gopher. I am not bitter as I did what I did because I genuinely cared...Took me a long time to realize the world is full of users and abusers. There was a time when someone told me something I believed them. This is no longer true for me. I have learned the hard way and much prefer spending my older years still being kind, but far more cautious. The more I start to hear pretty words the more I distance myself.
Could be worse as once I stopped listening to the perverted therapists and taking drugs prescribed by shrinks that were most seeking perks from drug companies...they never listened and went by what the therapist said...beware those wolves in sheep's clothing I tell myself now.
All of this jibberish comes from reading too much. If someone is wanting to translate this type of thinking into self-pity it is their choice. I personally believe the mental health system is highly over-rated and I am not a negative person so much as a realist as I see how cruel the world has become and always has been. Now there are those with degrees that cannot tell good cow dung from apple butter and surely cannot think outside the box and everyone should fit within the parameters of what they learned from books or the person they are working with is non compliant...my near fatal mistake was being compliant.
Replies to "I have realized the more I started reading the more hopeless I became. What helps or..."
@parus I totally agree to only do what works for you. No one has the answers for what will work for you but you. People make suggestions just as a way of sharing or trying to help. I, too, find great solace in nature and prefer animals over people. I have always been a non compliant patient if I didn't agree with what was said or suggested. So glad you have your painting and nature. And so glad you are expressing the way you feel. There are no wrong feelings. You have a right to feel the way you feel. Only you know your journey and can comment on it. Others have their journey, too, that is unique to them as well.
You are not alone ..... because of the way I grew up, I prefer to be by myself. Oh, when I'm with friends or a group of people, I can pull it off and seemingly "enjoy myself" but when I leave I'm exhausted. And my favorite past-time is sitting in my chair, hot cup of tea in hand, reading a book ..... a very isolated activity. It's a push for me to "get out there" and like you, the thought of getting a part-time job makes me tired just thinking about it .... I'm 72. I often wonder, what is left for me? I don't know the answer to that one .... only He does.
abby
Oh, Paris, speaking only for PTSDers caused as a child by sexual and/or other abuses, of course trust is a huge problem! If you can't trust your family yet are dependent on them you assume there is something wrong with you
because you don't think that they have your best interest at heart. What choice do you have except to try to please them? That falls over and share your entire life and you feel the best way to get through it unscathed his to just please people not realizing that every time you give away a piece of yourself you have less left for yourself. But even bigger problem I think is how do you learn what love is how do you learn that you could have an argument with someone and not have it for the end of a relationship? How could you trust someone with your innermost thoughts and not believe you will be beaten or raped for disagreeing? We seem to always pick those guys who know our weaknesses and make us feel even more stupid and useless. How do you get through life without trust or love? Pretty damn hard!
I like Christian Science.com (and no, it is NOT scientology)
Boy, you sound just like me!
Yes, I have found this to be true for only one. She would get out her book for everything I said. She had to quit SE seeing her. made me so much worse that I Sav I do have to say that my psychiatrists have been pretty good, and I had one terrible therapist and one good one.
Connect
@parus Expressing your feelings is a good thing. I am glad that you have your art and nature for comfort. I am also glad that you found Mayo Connect. We all need our safe places and for each of us that is something different. Teresa