@sunnygardens
P.S., I realized I didn't answer one of your questions, regarding whether my husband just refuses to help when I ask him.
We had always done onerous chores as a team (like cleaning and cooking), pretty much 50/50, including raising our children.
When I ask him to do things around the house that I think he can handle (I may be deluding myself), he has a few different responses. It's equivalent to responses you'd get from a child, like, 'I don't want to', or, 'I'll do it later', or he just forgets that I just asked him to do something, like chop onions. Since I get so tired of repeating myself I usually just do it myself.
Also trying to balance out keeping him engaged, so he doesn't develop learned helplessness.
Just like being a parent, it usually takes more time/effort getting them to help (but it's worth it).
Bye for now. ☀️