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@judimahoney oh my gosh, Judi, this is so frustrating and disappointing for you! But rather a relief for me, to know there are others getting impatient at times. I blurt out the same sentence you do at times.
But why doesn’t your husband do these tasks that he is capable of doing?? Did he refuse to do them even when you ask?
Part of the resentment for me is that we are only housemates here, albeit good friends. I boomerang between believing it’s right for me to become his caregiver and no way do I want to be his caregiver.
Even before all this began, I was trying to find a way to move out or get him to move out. That’s been going on for about three years.
This part year these MCI symptoms began, and are increasing.
Financially, we are stuck here together.
I believe people should be born, live, and die in their own homes if that’s what they want. So how can I say he can’t do that here just because I live here, too? I feel like a hypocrite.
I sure hope you can get in to a counselor soon! It is a great help to talk without an objective person.
Replies to "@judimahoney oh my gosh, Judi, this is so frustrating and disappointing for you! But rather a..."
@sunnygardens
P.S., I realized I didn't answer one of your questions, regarding whether my husband just refuses to help when I ask him.
We had always done onerous chores as a team (like cleaning and cooking), pretty much 50/50, including raising our children.
When I ask him to do things around the house that I think he can handle (I may be deluding myself), he has a few different responses. It's equivalent to responses you'd get from a child, like, 'I don't want to', or, 'I'll do it later', or he just forgets that I just asked him to do something, like chop onions. Since I get so tired of repeating myself I usually just do it myself.
Also trying to balance out keeping him engaged, so he doesn't develop learned helplessness.
Just like being a parent, it usually takes more time/effort getting them to help (but it's worth it).
Bye for now. ☀️
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@sunnygardens
Excellent question: why doesn't he do more around here?
Many folks that meet him and only chat for a bit, may not know he has dementia. Physically he is doing well. We exercise together every morning and he strives to walk at least 9,000 steps/day.
It's hard to answer the question regarding why he doesn't do more. I just feel cheated.
The experts may say it's because his brain is working so hard to keep up with the requirements of daily living, that his body has given up most pursuits (except those he's used to doing daily because of our routine).
Here's an example: he has always been the one to operate the tractor with the field mower attachment. He can no longer drive on public roads, but is allowed to operate machinery on private property. Since historically he always mowed, I know next to nothing about this tractor and all its bells and whistles. I don't want to learn, at this stage of the game.
So, I showed him the price tag when I hired a crew to do some field mowing. I doubt this will encourage him to mow more often. I have to practically beg him to help with anything. When I see him outside mowing he seems happy, and doesn't seem anxious about operating machinery, so who knows what the hesitancy is. It's so hard doing probably 90% plus of everything around here. Especially making all the tough decisions by myself.
Well, I'm hanging in there, and appreciate your support! 🤗