IndianaScott would love to hear from you again and others in this depression group. Sometimes I feel like I can barely hang on. Have not read any other posts other than yours Scott. and yours were encouraging and I felt a simpatico especially about the mess my dirty Dusty house full of dust and garbage is what concerns me since I don't have the money to hire anybody to help me .is there anybody else out there that is going through the same thing? I am basically an organized clean person but what's been happening to my back and my health puts me in bed if I even attempt to mop the floor. Anybody out there who can relate to this?. I get lost trying to follow through in the discussion panels.car repairs and high mobile home rent have eaten all money put aside for housekeeping help. Would like to hear from someone please.

Hi @virtuous Scott here. Sorry to hear your challenges continue.

I, too, have been having a bit of a tough go of it lately. One of those times when nothing seems to turn out as I had hoped and then I get to missing my wife in a huge way, which leads me down the dang rabbit hole even further, but at least it is sunny today!

Remember -- dust bunnies never hurt anyone! No matter how large they get! They may multiply like, well, rabbits, but so what? The only garbage I worried about was anything with food in it -- the other junk just lived on its own and without my care or concern. Yes, it was a mess, but as caregivers we all know there is never enough time nor energy to "do it all". Remember, too, none of us are super heros, so we can only do as much as we can and that differs from person to person.

I had to laugh the other day when I came across an advertisement from an investment company "telling" caregivers we 'had to maintain balance.' Obviously written by someone perhaps well meaning, but I am 99.9% (like Ivory Soap) sure they aren't a caregiver. I gave up ever even thinking about balance in favor of simply maintaining! This is why I really try and preface any suggestions I have as "this is what worked for me" and not "do this". Each patient, disease, situation, caregiver, etc. is unique and therefore advice must be administered as an option and not a requirement. Our medical professionals do all the requiring our patients' need. They require we give medications, clean up, get check-ups, etc. for our patients. Pretty much after that we, as chief cooks and bottle washers, are on our own.

My tip on the floors, as my back is bad too and I have a bad knee is that I took to 'skating' the floors, which is something my wife used with our children to get them to have fun helping. I would take two damp (not wet so they are not too slippery) rags, put one under each foot, and 'skate' on the floor to clean them. Way easier on the back and knees and it fell into the 'good enough' category while I was actively caregiving.

You got this -- you are already doing it -- many of us here are totally proud of you!

I wish you continued strength, courage, and peace!

Oh Scott : I just wrote you a long reply on a berry was getting to the end when all of a sudden my post went into the Twilight Zone. This is the second time this has happened to me. I cried when I read your last sentence that said other posters were proud of me. Right now I'm at my rope's end and as I wrote before it's a money issue it is Labor Day weekend it's also a heatwave here in California of 108 213 and we stayed indoors all day sitting in our lockers with the air conditioning on which is going to blow our monthly space rent way past what we can afford to pay. I mentioned that we had our car troubles and was able to get them out of the shop after we paid off our cars. We were so proud thinking we'd have a little extra money and then Bingo both cars acted up and we spent much money all trying to get the cars out of the shop so our kids are off camping having a blast even though it's hot they're always out camping doing something fun and my husband and I just sit here because all we do is pay bills. I had to laugh at your face Chief cook and bottle washer that's exactly what I am at the first thing I think of when my back starts hurting stops hurting as I got to get up and do dishes and then I have to feed my husband. I do try to plan to get something done each day but I've got new developments I've discovered that after 2 years of no dental care and no dental insurance not only do I have a massive cavity on the bottom that I have to leave alone and we have no insurance that I have a huge abscess that I can feel on the outside of my face even between two teeth and a failed root canal. So my husband took out dental insurance but it will not cover any Majors like root canals extractions or anything for one full year so I'm taking a highly powerful antibiotic that I have to separate from my other meds and sitting around Labor Day weekend all day all three days and I mobile home is just been depressing as all get-out it was even too hot to try to go to a local park 113° I just want some fun in my life and I know I must be a burden on my husband. He loves me dearly but I'm waiting for the heating pad and the pain meds to kick in before I can get out of bed. I love your idea about skating the kitchen floor I think my stepmother and I did that once on hardwood floors for waxing but I have filthy bathroom floors that get dirty so fast from tracking in Tire dust we live in a Vortex of trains planes and semis going up the hill all belching out diesel fluid or dust if you will. I can't take it anymore I'm even beginning to think a little bit about ending at all even though I don't think about being of the real things like taking extra pills or cutting myself or anything that you have to report to social workers it's just I don't want to do it anymore I just want the Lord to send me a little bit of joy in my life just a little. And I can imagine how you're feeling about your wife. A good friend of ours passed away at 870 all they lived in I believe Tennessee and her husband is so lonely at all of us miss her terribly she was the light of our life a good Mentor to me when they lived in California and there's just a big vacant hole. So my heart aches for you. But right now I can't stand the three it is no such thing as dust bunnies where we live because it's a whole house is carpeted except for kitchen we used to have this bunnies when we lived back East where everything was hard wood floors. Right now it's just dirty crumbs all over the floors Grime ground into the bathroom floors and once in awhile I just get disgusted and make an attempt to do something the other reason I'm depressed is it's been between 108 and 113 here and we're sweating buckets and it's too hot to go outside and everything needs to be watered and trimmed and bushes are dying. in times past we would go to the park and just sit and watch the geese but it's too hard to hot rather to go out to these parks. It's cooler today my son is coming back from his camping trip and all they do is party and barbecue and it makes us feel so old and decrepit. I'm 69 and I just feel like life is passing me by with so many hurts. I have a thankful attitude and most of the time I can get myself out of this funk and get going. I think the depression is compounded by this very strong antibiotic and my poor husband I'm probably depressing the stars out of him and we don't know what to do for recreation because there's hardly any money to go out and get a cup of coffee because we just signed up for a new dental program and that will not take care of my necessary redo of a root canal or a tooth extraction for one solid year so there there's my pity pity party sorry to rant on and on but so grateful to be able to tell somebody at hearted I'm bored out of my wits and I want a little bit more fun than watching dr. Oz during the day cuz I'm really not a TV Watcher in the daytime but then I'm going to go out and cook up some lunch slash breakfast and like you said she's cooking bottle-washer that's all I do is cook do laundry and clean the occasional toilet and go outside and water after the temperature has dropped. Feeling sorry for myself here virtuous 69 knowing that God loves me but I sure could use just a little tad of joy in my life.

Scott, I sent this post with out correcting mistakes because I had almost finished his post and then my smart phone lost it. So I had to retype it all over again and send before my smart phone went and sent it into the Twilight Zone again. Now on my computer I know that unfinished emails Etc get put into my draft folder but when it comes to my smartphone I have no idea where unfinished posts go they seem to go into the Twilight Zone. so please try to read between the lines and ignore the crazy mistakes okay thanks.. so part of my depression is that this abscess between two teeth is gone clear up near my sinus cavities and once the medication is over with I still don't have the money to go get a redo root canal or tooth extraction as they want the money up front. so thank you for letting me rant and if any of you out there are in the same situation or have an encouraging word I 'd sure love to hear from you. I don't know what up what I would do without Scott's posts. have a safe Labor Day weekend and lifting up all of you in prayer who've been hit by the Texas hurricanes and floods moving up into different states.may God bless you, encourage you ,and help you meet all of your needs. love virtuous 69 Dori

Good morning @virtuous Good to hear from you, but sorry to hear your challenges continue. I have been reading about what I consider incredible heat out in California. Dry heat, or damp heat, at 100+ I see it as just plain hot, but I don't need to tell you that! Also please never apologize for errors in an email! Makes no difference to me as I know time is always of the essence!

Funny you should talk about dental problems. I have a few, which have been part of my 'deferred maintenance program' from being a caregiver for so long and then not being able to confront having to be a 'patient' myself right now! My last dentist was incredibly expensive and not willing to accept payments over time, so I shopped around and found one that has a lower overall price for the work I need and is willing to take 1/2 down and the rest in payments. I have my first appointment with her next week and am dreading it already. I wish you well with your dental issues and really, truly hope you can get that abscess taken care of. I know they can be incredibly painful and tough to corral.

In my case, recreation also took a backseat in my life. We never begrudged our kids their time off as we saw our medical issue/caregiving demands as our own and were happy to just hear about the adventures they had without us. I quit the newspaper to save some money and took our neighbor's paper each afternoon when they were done with it. Saved some money and the only drawback was for about 10 years I always ended up working on crossword puzzled that already had been partially completed! Yes, I still have a large nut to payoff on our medical bills. It is rotten for sure! I've adjusted to cheap coffee (can't start my day out without a cup or two), cheap beer (I miss my old favorite Rolling Rock), and luckily I love nothing better than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a slice of Swiss cheese. I hope you don't think that too odd! When I was a kid my favorite sandwich was peanut butter, jelly, braunschweiger, Swiss cheese, sweet pickles, and mustard! YUM! That was some good eats, but my cholesterol won't tolerate braunschweiger any longer! Grossed out my wife's 100% Italian family though!

I do miss my wife all the time and still struggle with this new life style. Someone told me the other day 'now that it has been so long you must be OK now, right?' I simply smiled at them and said "when she's been gone 41 years like we were married, you can come ask that again." They responded with an epitaph and I just said "let us each grieve in our own way".

I, like you, cannot imagine what those folks are going through in Houston! Talk about feeling overwhelmed -- having that kind of loss must be so very difficult and clean up a true nightmare. I have had a flooded basement a couple times in my life and cleaning that small mess up was challenging. I cannot imagine it with the kind of water and sludge they are having, not to mention the chemical stews from all the chemical plants in that city. Yikes!

I will try and send our weather your way -- we are at 51 here this morning and forecast for a high of 61. A few of the leaves are beginning to turn color, and Mother Nature is telling me autumn is on the way. I went out to a local lake last evening to do a little communing with nature and was treated to a nice sunset. I hope you find some momentary peace in the photos here!

Take good care and hopefully these pictures will give you what I call 'a minute vacation'!

Continued strength, courage, and peace!

@indiannascott. Vituous69 here. Somehow another account got created as just virtuous. That really made another poster extremely mad becauseI'm just now getting the mac Mai post s again after I did all the things that Justin McClelland had taught me how to do so I got Biggie Biggie trouble and someone is really upset with me for my complaints and tells me I better stay in the Mac RI group to see what they really go through .
Thank you for your patience with me I enjoy your posts they give me a little humor and there's a little fun things that I would like to share with you so it means a lot to hear from you now and then again.
okay God bless and give you a beautiful day today I'm going to write to you again when I get home.Dori

@IndianaScott hi Scott. Replying your original reply post back to me. Subject hearing aids. you asked if I had checked out non-profit hearing associations so I did Google some information today. Both my husband and I have a RX prescription referral to see an audiologist locally and I need to call up and find out AARP and Medicare if they cover the exams. I know they don't cover hearing aids. But my question is did you go for hearing tests with a licensed audiologist first? Then did you go after the expensive audiologist approved hearing aids, or did you have any faith in the devices that you see advertised in a magazine or on TV at cetera that do not cost thousands of dollars? I'm sure there are some that are good and some that are bad and it depends on your own hearing situation. Lost do the Age or nerve damage or something else. So what's the audiologist makes is it termination the reason for your hearing have you heard/found anything or in your own experience found any of these products that are not thousands of dollars that one can purchase to Aid in the hearing especially around the house and where the TV is on. My husband that fairly sure has background hearing noise but then again because he's almost 80 and also depends on how much of those hearing hairs in the side the canal have diminished and so whether he is mild moderate or severe. If you have any experience with hearing aids that are being advertised as the latest invention from Germany etc. and that type of thing and not these thousands of dollars types I would love to hear from you regarding that.. I'm sending this now before this post flies off into the Twilight Zone

Good morning @virtuous69 Dori. Good to hear from you again (no pun intended). My GP did refer me to an audiologist as she considered my hearing loss 'profound' after his in-office tests. Audiologist finally determined my hearing loss was most likely from earlier bouts with spinal meningitis complicated by unprotected hunting as a kid. Although the audiologist didn't say it, I imagine a few too many rock and roll concerts (especially my favorite the Moody Blues -- who are finally up for election to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame I might add) probably helped it along. As they say "We grow too soon old and too late smart!"

This is just my view of the business world, but I don't trust any advertisement more than I would a plug nickel! That said I did go to a couple of the places locally that hosted free nights to try their aids. Extremely expensive and very high pressure, but I never bought those and did discover many that did not really help my kind of loss. And they were free, unless you count the fact they all still send me their materials in the mail 🙂

What really helped me the most was talking with folks who were already using hearing aids and were around my age or older. I remember one pair that did help the fellow told me he hated because they were so difficult for him to get into his ear. Another fellow said he liked his but would recommend them since they fell out too frequently when he was out doing his brisk walking. Unfortunately, and this is just me, I never found a pair that worked when I needed them the most, which was in noisy settings. Luckily my left ear is far better than my right so I now have put my pride in my hip pocket and just say to people "sorry, can I sit on this side of you so I can hear better?' Plus my grandsons now just accept they have to talk to me on my left side if they want 'old gramps' to hear them! The seven year old simply says to me 'now which is your good ear gramps?' after we have been apart for awhile.

Bottom line, again this was just for me, I found adjusting my lifestyle and admitting my hearing loss was easier to deal with than hearing aids and their expense, but that was just me at this point in my life.

Continued strength, courage, & peace!