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Suggestions | Help with Getting Her to Sleep
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 3 hours ago | Replies (27)Comment receiving replies
@pamela78 Well, a lot has happened in the past year. In August my husband had a bad fall that put him in the hospital and rehab for a month. From there he went to independent living in a senior facility. A month ago he was transferred to memory care and now he doesn't know who I am, he hallucinates, and he's in a wheelchair. Yes, this is disconcerting and sad and totally unfair but when I look back at my post from 2025, I'm reminded of my irritation. I'm not irritated now. I'm only interested in keeping him safe, comfortable, and as happy as someone in his condition can be. And honestly, I find things easier now. After years of slow decline, then a drastic year of trauma and adjustment, I feel that we've reached not the beginning of the end but the end of the beginning, to quote Winston Churchill. Things are under control now, I have professional help and lots of support from family and friends. My husband won't be coming home and I'm looking ahead to the rest of my life. I'm 80 and I'm not done living yet. I don't know what anyone can gain or learn from this post, but here it is for what it's worth. I guess if I had any advice to give, it would be: don't go into the dark with your spouse out of love, duty, or surrender. Keep hold of your own life and don't feel guilty for wanting to live.
Replies to "@pamela78 Well, a lot has happened in the past year. In August my husband had a..."
@pamela78 I appreciate the honesty of this post and often wonder what I will do "to keep my husband, safe, comfortable and happy" when I'm no longer able to. With little support from family and friends now, it's scary - that fear of the unknown, guilt of wanting to just live, and what often can feel like failure. But I realize that love, comes in all forms - for those that want to tackle the disease with their loved ones, at home, and for those, like you, that realized the Churchill's "end of the beginning" by again, doing, what's "safe, comfortable, and happy" for both you and your beloved husband. Thank you again, for this valuable post and the reminder that we don't have to go "in the dark." Duty, love, and surrender," has options. Blessings to you both.
Best, Karla
@pamela78 , what an insightful post. I’m sorry to hear of your husband’s decline, but so glad things are stable. My cousin did well in Memory Care for years. So good you have the opportunity to do things you enjoy as well.
I think that often the change happens when there is a fall, fracture, injury, etc. that puts the patient in the hospital. From there the need for rehab and professional care in a facility becomes apparent. My mom, who doesn’t have dementia, is now in nursing home, but still requires a lot of support and involvement from me.
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@pamela78 Your last two sentences speak volumes. Thank you for saying out loud what I have only thought about. I plan to keep my husband home, hopefully until the end, but the fear of what if I can’t do it has really scared me. Thank you for your post.