kathy3818, Hello Kathy - I notice that your comment was posted a year ago, hopefully by this time you've found competent support and have allowed yourself to grieve, as you very well should. What you went through is tantamount to what people in war torn countries experience. I cannot imagine how I would hold up, as have you. My wife died in January of this year, just five months ago and I am struggling with my grief, after 72 years of marriage. However, to handle the trauma that you have, would drain me of any strength I have left at 92 years old. Again, I hope you've found the support you need and are moving forward with your life. Please stay strong and take care of yourself - you are, without a doubt, a very special person.