Yes, that’s still reactive. It means your emotional response is coming on fast and strongly in situations where the level of intensity doesn’t really match what’s happening.

It sounds like your system is interpreting normal disagreements as something more threatening because of what’s happened before, so it can shift quickly into anger, yelling, or snapping. That doesn’t mean it’s okay, but it does help explain why it happens.

Given his past of not listening, crossing boundaries, and making you feel stuck, it makes sense that your brain learned to stay on alert. Even if things are better now, your body can still react like it’s dealing with the old version of things.

That doesn’t make you abusive. It shows a stress response that’s running high and getting triggered easily.

It’s his responsibility to show you that those reactions aren’t needed anymore, and from what you’re describing, he doesn’t seem to be doing that, or at least not consistently.