@maryvc
My husband, 79 years old this month, is in a similar situation. He was diagnosed in January with severe Alzheimer’s and had been diagnosed earlier with NPH (normal pressure hydrocephalus). His father had Alzheimer’s so there was family history. He had also been falling frequently and began having seizures in January. There is no warning before the seizures.

He entered Memory Care in April of this year and has been complaining of boredom. He wants to go play golf, but his conditions with seizures, balance and falls won’t allow that. He wants to travel and go to faraway places but I am not willing to take the chance of his having a seizure while I’m driving or we’re on a train. I know he’s disappointed but like you, I feel he’s where he needs to be. He doesn’t engage in activities there, saying they are boring. We are meeting with his care team next week to explore a life enrichment program which sounds promising. I bring him books I think he’ll enjoy and he has a tablet computer he can watch programs on and access email and the internet. He can hold a conversation to some extent but has lost some abilities related to complex thinking skills.
I wish there was more I could do for him but the reality is I can’t.

@maryvc
Your dilemma sounds like something I will be facing.

My 75 year old husband has LBD. We are still living at home, but everything—everything—is becoming more difficult. There is no local care help in our small western town. We face a move in the next year or two, though that timeline could change tomorrow with LBD.

We have visited several CCRCs and have put deposits on one near our daughter in another state. When we began to look at CCRCs, we expected to move into independent living together, with memory care available when needed. Now, I question whether my husband will be allowed to live in independent living when we are ready to make the move, because this CCRC requires cognitive testing.

So, I am now reluctantly facing the prospect of assisted living in this CCRC in order to live with my husband before he is ready for memory care. To be honest, the idea of living in a smaller assisted living apartment makes me want to scream. But he is not yet ready for memory care.

Is this something you have faced? Is assisted living with your husband possible, as a sort of middle ground, temporary place until he is more suited to memory care?

I would much rather live in independent living. I asked someone at the CCRC whether we could remain in independent living together if one of us fails the cognitive test, and he said, normally, no. I have found other CCRCs that do not require cognitive testing where this is not an issue, but the locations are not ideal. My husband has long term care insurance that would pretty much cover three years in memory care, but when that is gone, I would face paying two CCRC rents, which would be exorbitant.

How did you determine your husband was ready for memory care, as opposed to assisted living? Did your CCRC make that determination based on testing? Is your CCRC non-profit? The for-profit CCRCs I have looked into do not require cognitive testing, and I wonder if that is a typical difference between non-profit and for-profit CCRCs.

I HOPE the staff at you are working with can customize your husband’s care. It must be so difficult for both of you! Take care.

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