Oh no! I'm so sorry about your situation! I knew Gabapentin can cause swelling but didn't know the rest..
Something that matters to you is not trival at all! A very wise therapist once told me that I should never minimize my pain /struggles/situation, etc. She said that is self-defeating and to honor our feelings.

For me being a woman of faith, I try to keep my focus on the One in control of my circumstances instead of my circumstances. To lay it at God's feet and ask Him to help me. This really does help me.

I too struggle with weight. I have lost 200#. My birth size was a O or 2 and my parents and grandparents had me on diets since about age 5!!

I have lost 80-90#, 4 times but this last time have kept it off. I keep fluctuating 5-7# and it takes me literally months to get it off!

I pray you will feel MUCH better about yourself and not beat yourself up anymore.

Take extra special care of yourself and know we are here for you.

Fondly, Sunnyflower. 🤗