@colleenyoung I definitely feel a loss of control. I also feel more like a passive member of my care team. I teach my graduate students to always make sure their clients/patients feel like they have a say or a more active role. The ICD happened quickly. I understand the reason, but I wasn't prepped well for the surgery. I thought that I would be sleeping through it. I was actually awake for the last 30 minutes, and I was scared. I will get over all this, but right now I am still processing everything, so when everyone is asking me how I am, I want to say that I'm not good.