Thanks, Becki. My dad had a head injury (skull fracture) when he was in his early 60's and if affected his ability to reason. He spent 2 and a half months in the hospital back then, and was never the same. My elderly mom (still living) and my dad had promised each other not to go to nursing homes and they were in denial about their needs. I hired caregivers when I could find people who were willing to do the job and I traded off with them. We couldn't go through an agency because they didn't cover the rural area and my parents were not willing to pay for that, so I had to step in. I don't regret that, and I would do it again because it's the right thing to do. The stress of all this probably caused my spine to get worse faster, and I had to get a lift to help my dad transfer. I did everything a nursing home would do, and I had to advocate for him during his hospitalizations and rehab stays. My dad really was worried about me and the pain I was in, and he often thanked me for taking care of him. I had made a promise to him that I would find a surgeon to help me with my spine, and I helped him decide to have a feeding tube placed. His head injury years earlier caused an issue with swallowing, and he had to relearn it, but as he aged, he was not doing it well and getting aspiration pneumonia. I had more time to talk to my dad at the end of his life and I was able to talk to him about my fear of surgery like I was a little girl again and when I did that, I put my arms around him and cried. He was surprised as he perceived me as someone with strength, since I was always working with his doctors on his behalf, and I had a background in biology and understood everything. He's been gone 2 years and my mom is doing well on her own. We got her 2 small dogs from a shelter for company. She agreed to stay in her wheelchair and not try to walk unless someone is with her. I check on her a lot and take her out to appointments, shopping, etc, and she is happy and doesn't want a caregiver now.

When you have been someone's caregiver until the end, and seen the difficulty in someone living with little quality of life, you realize that it would be selfish to expect them to keep living when they've told you they are ready to quit. I grieved a lot that last month, but I was strong through everything afterward. I had a lot to plan for his service and dinner (which we did at their home) and I was able to comfort friends and family who were sad. The service was a video documentary I made about my dad's life with video I had recorded of my parents speaking about family history a few years earlier. I acted as a host introducing each segment which we recorded along a river on a path full of beautiful oak trees. It was very healing for me to do that and I felt connected to my dad. The end of the documentary was a song called, "Who knows were the time goes?" and it was a montage of photos of my dad from infancy until a few weeks before he passed. The song by itself is very moving. I think doing all this prepared me to embrace my own health journey at Mayo, and I got a time for rest, and time for recovery. I did get some post surgery complaints when my mom thought I should be well enough after my surgery to start driving her to appointments, and I had to hold her off with my surgeon's advice for awhile, but that goes with the territory. Though all of this, I've learned a lot about living, how to advocate for my health, and embrace a positive future.