ehdog, I suspect that your partner feels personally threatened by exposure. They may know that you "can't" leave them. The fear is that change in you would alter the balance in your relationship.
You may be recognizing a pattern "nothing I achieve matters." Alternately it is a natural tendency to extrapolate when we are hurt. Who wants to be called a dog.
In this vignette I see him as the puppy in the corner crying in fear. Makes you want to pet them. Remember though, they bite.