I know when we have to jump thru so many hoops to get anything from marijuana to our prescribed opiods how do they get it with a text to the neighborhood dealer. I personally have had only bad results trying a form of marijuana but on minimal opiods I can maintain. But when a situation arises I need more pain control I do not appreciate being treated like a criminal because I temporarily need a higher dose. My Dr. knows my history and should prescribe with more compassion. I have never gotten this "high" people talk about what I want to be able to do is move....play...walk ...dress...garden...have sex...without debilitating pain. I want to smile because I am happy not as a cover to make others feel better. I want to once again shout from the roof tops..."I am blessed" God has given me comfort and joy with this extended life I have received...but pain can block that from our minds...I do not want....to be drugged to oblivion...to lose control of my thoughts and actions ...I want quality and control and laughter and friends. I could go on for ever but the most irritating thing right now?? I created myself…."I am fine" I say and they so want to believe that they ask no other questions. I go for my 3 month scans this week so I am sure that has made me more introspective than usual. But I question who I will even tell if the results are more negative than I would want. Every time the scans have shown growth since we halted chemo in Jan. ...I had growth while doing chemo and sideeffects were getting more severe.What I am going to ask him is "if the growth was enough to warrant chemo and it has done nothing but grow since then...why is current philosophy watch and wait? He has as much said he doesn't know what to try next. Sorry got away from pain topic !!! husband will be home soon and he gets tired of seeing me online