My ED thoughts - 59 and married, so you know where I’m coming from (Hmmmm… 🤔 ).

I was already diagnosed as entering the first stages of ED when I began seeing a urologist for my PSA, back in 2021. Age and meds, I believe.

Mild ED for me mainly meant that I had no trouble achieving erections, I had spontaneous erections, but I did have some issues maintaining an erection. Basically, if Mr. Happy wasn’t being directly stimulated one way or another, he’d take a little nap, but always willing to jump back into it as soon as he became the center of attention again. Those days of becoming aroused, and then walking back to the bedroom, getting prepared and situated and all that, all while maintaining a full erection, were over. In the scheme of things, though, it wasn’t a big deal - adjust and keep on truckin’.

Post-surgery…immediate loss of any erection capability. It’s gone. No loss of penis length (luckily), no loss of libido (didn’t expect to), and I’m on a half-dose of nightly Viagra and use a penis pump (5 erections a day), just to keep the blood flowing, so it’s purely therapeutic.

The ED nurse at the cancer center’s ED clinic said that around 70% of men get back “close” to what they were before the surgery by around two years, but it can take as long as four years. I’m not even at four months, so I’ve got a ways to go yet.

Luckily, my wife and I are both patient. She has a chronic autoimmune disorder that stopped sex for a while when she was in her 40’s. Then she had a devastating stroke at 50 (she’s gotten back about 85% of her ability), then a heart attack in her mid-50’s, so we’re no strangers over the years to putting things on hold or adjusting ways we’re intimate to match what we’re going through. Now it’s my turn to be the bump in the road. No worries, we’ll get through it.

Right now, things between us are on pause, though I’ve been cleared by my care team to up the Viagra or to use a tension ring with the pump and “give it a go.” - we’d both prefer to wait until my bladder control is a bit better. I’m making small improvements with that, so I’m getting there…slowly.

Dry orgasm - you definitely do not need an erection to experience an orgasm, it just takes longer, because Mr. Floppy (Mr. Happy’s alter ego) makes it more difficult to stimulate those nerves at the tip of the penis, so it takes more time.

The feeling? I’d describe it as “the same as a wet orgasm, but less so.” It’s difficult to go beyond that with a description, except to say, there’s a certain physical sensation of a viscous material passing rapidly out of the penis that’s now missing.

It’s like having a piece of apple pie without the ice cream. The pie’s still pretty good on its own, but it’d be better with the ice cream.