@judyandchloe I am so sorry for the pain you’re feeling, it’s very apparent how much you love him and that is the best medicine you can give him. I’m often very pessimistic by nature and it makes my life very stressful, since I started my cancer journey going on six years I sometimes forget how blessed I am to be alive. I have learned a lot from being on this website and the people here are so very helpful, my best feelings I can give to is to remain hopeful because miracles do happen, prayers are always wonderful because God hears our prayers and helps us in many different ways, best wishes for you and your family, amen 🙏

@judyandchloe: It's like a sucker punch to the gut to hear the diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer. I know - I received it myself. A year and a half ago. I assumed it was a death sentence and I wouldn't be around to celebrate a milesone anniversary with my husband, enjoy the world travel we loved going on, see my grandchildren grow, have fun and experience joy. That was a serious disservice to myself. My treatment has resulted in some positive outcomes - with some definite speed bumps along the way - but I've gone from thinking that I'm dying from this condition to I'm LIVING with it. And live I have, adapting to some speed bumps along the way, but taking immeasurable pleasure in the times spent with family, even traveling nationally and abroad, living joyfully if not quite as spontaneously as previously but still taking time to find happiness in the here and now. And finding tremendous hope in the treatments offered and available to me....that have left me for the most part free from fatigue and pain. And have increased my fortitude to deal with them when that does occur; in large part due to support I've gained from cancer related groups, my understanding family and friends.

May I suggest we pause here for a moment and think about some of the things you wrote and how to exert a little paradigm shift in how you may be taking this in with your beloved family member: "He was a marvelous influence". Let's remember he is STILL here; with encouragement, love and support he can very much be a contined postive influence on the loves and lives surrounding him, particularly during this difficult time by drawing on the encouragement, love and support of those around him. I don't mean "toxic postivity" as no one can guarantee what the future may hold - but providing access to treatment, support groups, comfort care. Simple pleasures can be derived from simple measures. Sitting near him, holding his hand, reminiscing about favorite memories, indulging in activities, visiting favorite places, can all bring about those smiles and laughs. My husband and I certainly had the opportuniity to do that recently with a dear friend diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer 2 years ago....who continues to play pickleball and tennis on a regular basis!

A group I belong to compared cancer to a being held at gunpoint, being pressed a little harder every so often. I tend to focus on relying upon research based on clinical findings, advice from experts in the field and trusting in the process. I understand the risks, but I have not let that take away my gratitude. I have spent time doing things I feel passionate about it. I lean into rest when I need to. I have faith in my spiritual beliefs. I face challenges with dignity and courage, and as my loved ones provide their unwavering support I have been able to live life, find happiness in even the simple moments - perhaps even more so now than ever.

Do you think you can find your inner strength to help achieve some of this stamina, and in so doing, be able to assist your loved one during this time of challenge?