@casey1959 It is so hard for all involved especially initially. My wife asked me a few years ago, when I was really sick and beginning treatment, what she could do to help. I responded that I didn't know. I really didn't. I was scared for my life, and I didn't know what to do. She left my "sick room" crying, and I laid there crying. My wife is a problem solver by nature. Her inability to "fix" my cancer problem, and watching me suffer, was extremely difficult for her. I know that she felt guilty about it. I felt guilty for destroying our dreams. When we were 28, we got married and moved from the Philadelphia area to Arizona for job opportunities. We had a dream for our lives together. We worked hard, built good careers, adopted kids, saved money, and planned for an enjoyable retirement. At 56, I ruined our dreams by getting cancer. She now felt the added responsibility of paying for my medical bills. Neither of us really knew how to handle it let alone talk about it with each other. Those initial conversations always were emotional and not helpful for either of us. It took a lot of time, tears, and patience on both of our parts, to get better and dealing with it all... together. We still struggle, but we are way better at it than we used to be. Last night, we actually talked about trying to be happier right now. Enjoy today. We don't know how many more todays that we will have together. We need to plan for the future, both good and bad, but we need to cherish the time we have now. It was a calm, rational, surprisingly joyful conversation. I don't have any answers for you. Like I have said, the mental and emotional challenges of dealing with cancer can be far more difficult than dealing with the physical challenges. Can anyone else relate to any of this?