I find it hard to socialize makes me think Im autistic like my mum was and my daughter is, and with all the arthritis etc ................. Im stuck at home very depressing ( I am diagnosed bipolar). age 65
I find it hard to socialize makes me think Im autistic like my mum was and my daughter is, and with all the arthritis etc ................. Im stuck at home very depressing ( I am diagnosed bipolar). age 65
@tisme
I am bipolar, have depression and anxiety attacks. I’m not really sure how I cope. My biggest hang up is , I never had a good paying job, I’ve had to struggle all my life. I’m so tired of living like I have to. I couldn’t ever save anything because it always took everything I made to live. Now I’m 71 with just Social Security to depend on. I’m so exhausted from trying to stay afloat. I keep looking for a life boat, but it never comes. I’m so depressed all the time! I’m tired of worrying about it. I pray all the time for help. It just doesn’t seem to come. It’s a shame us seniors have to live on the edge 24/7.
Tired in Tennessee!
I was a nurse but gave it up to care for mum /dad /brother /daughter , so I couldnt save for retirement. at 65 my own health now is on a down hill slide. workers talk about retirement I wont ever retire, I am still caring for family I worry that rents will go up more than I can afford. I get angry when I think that carers like me have saved the government a fortune and this is the thanks we get.
@crabby55 I read and reread your post...it's indeed heartbreaking to see one's spouse sink into a state that only sounds getting more hopeless, specially when you try to be supportive. Indeed therein lies the glimmer of truth -- and hope.
Your husband Buried depression with overwork, and that shows the problem was never faced; he had depression all along.
As an 82 y.o. I never had depression except maybe a short few months or less when there were Real problems with survival. In your case, your husband does not seem to have any Real problems of life about survival. So what's going on.?
I have read -- and do -- a lot about mental health especially about addiction, anxiety and depression., issues that are common in the affluent world. Why?
It seems humans do not live for survival needs alone and that's why we often times live even live difficult lives to do what we Want From Our One LIFE. It is also called finding Our Purpose. We want to Matter in this world, not just a cog in the humanity. Thankfully each comes with desires and gifts that society can benefit from. It is thru such use of time that gives us a sense that We Matter, that We Did what was Important. It could be something as simple as helping those who were just struck with bad luck. Or children who have parents who are not able to help with their children's homework. You get the idea; we all can find what is a Useful/Gratifying work that one can look back before going to sleep and say: I did use my day in ways that Mattered to Do Good. Some call it finding Purpose in life.
I retired at 67 so that I could devote seven days a week into what I aspired to. I had a one-day anxiety attack that choked my breath. I came out of it by basically reminding myself in life great disappointments do happen. I sat with myself confronting myself, and that was how I never had it again. I declined professional help. I feel better for it as I Did It Myself.
Your husband too needs such little (or large) triumphs to remind him that his life matters not just to himself but Others. To make a Good society, a Good Nation.
I eat right and stay active not because these are good for health but because I Need Health FOR doing the good I am to do in My Life.
I hope you can help your hubby for a great life that awaits him.
Good Luck!
@sisyphus
I agree with all you said, and kudos to you for pulling yourself out of your depression. It’s a difficult task.
But it sounds like you are putting a big burden on the spouse. I know from experience that the husband has to want help before any intervention can start to make a difference. I live with a man who doesn’t want any help with his deep depressed state. At times it pulls me down too.
My advice to @crabby55 is to devote time to self care.
For many, depression and other mental health issues are lifelong, and many of them are treatment resistant. Understanding that more than 10 years ago helped me accept my illness and move forward. I still see a therapist and a psychiatrist, and take medications, after more than 20 years. They help, I'm sure. At the least I'm no longer actively suicidal, but it's a major effort to get going and do something productive still. With MDD, things that used to bring pleasure no longer do. Just a fact of life. I'm glad some people are able to overcome the negative effects of depression. More power to you!
Thanks to all who have replied. Nice to have well wishes, insight and support. Tstrepy I resonate with most. I’ve said my husband is married to his depression. I cannot fix him. It is hard to not let it get you down at times. A huge burden. This is a 2nd marriage for me so fortunately my big lesson after divorcing 30 odd years ago was to stay true to myself. If I’m compromising, be totally aware and know it’s my choice. I do a lot of self care in knowing I always have choice. Thanks for the communication.
@sisyphus
I agree with all you said, and kudos to you for pulling yourself out of your depression. It’s a difficult task.
But it sounds like you are putting a big burden on the spouse. I know from experience that the husband has to want help before any intervention can start to make a difference. I live with a man who doesn’t want any help with his deep depressed state. At times it pulls me down too.
My advice to @crabby55 is to devote time to self care.
@tstrepy
Because of a physical condition that was v difficult to get diagnosed (disbelief both from initial surgeon and from healthcare coworkers!) I became severely depressed.
What made it even worse was my then partner just didn’t “get it” and seemed to think I just needed a kick in the rear or similar.
I finally got proper diagnosis and surgery and life became good again (yes, partner was no longer around by then!).
Now am back in depression because of terminal health condition in a grandchild. I have no desire to do anything. On meds. I know with weather getting nicer I should walk daily but I just don’t care about it. Wishing I could just trade places with my grandchild. I’m old and they still have their whole life to live. It’s just not fair, it’s not right! 😢
@myacct123 my husbands job was very high pressure with deadlines. He retired 2 years before he quite wanted due to pressure and physical health issues. A lot of his self worth was tied up in his identity of his job. His depression was quite immediate with his retirement. He did have a part time job once he retired, being able to work from home. That actually proved too much for him. His “dream” was to have time to do “nothing” for awhile after retiring. 10 years later and he’s still doing nothing, lacking all motivation. At this point his mental and especially physical health has suffered from lack of care.
I think like any chronic condition, it's not something that can be cured. What it can be is managed. In this I would compare it to my heart arrhythmia, which has been successfully managed without incident for over 25 years. So much so that I rarely think about it.
A couple of years ago, after a lifetime of deep depressive cycles that were gradually worsened by an antidepressant until they reached the point of self-harm attempts and a late in life bipolar 2 diagnosis (I was 59 at the time), my psychiatrist, in a discussion with me about how badly the antidepressant had not just failed me but endangered me, shifted me over to Lamotrigine. It's been a lifesaver. Since going on to it a little over two years ago now, I've had no depressive cycles and no thoughts of self-harm. This is after cyclical depression dating back to childhood that would hit me several times a year, coupled with a dangerously deepening depression over the final three years that I was on the antidepressant and daily thoughts of taking my life, I don't just feel like a new person (although I do), I feel better than I've ever known in my life. As happened with the arrhythmia years ago, I’m gradually thinking about my once debilitating depression less and less.
Getting back to that arrhythmia comparison, the medication I've long taken keeps my heart beating properly. So much so that I’m able to maintain a pretty active lifestyle. I’ve even successfully finished 17 marathons, something that was unattainable for me prior to being placed on the drug. Unless this ceases to be the case, I will not quit taking it because it's managing a condition that could be dangerous if left untreated. It's not gone, it's just under control.
I take the same view with Lamotrigine. My depression, which was reaching the dangerous stage, isn't cured, it's successfully managed. It no longer inhibits my daily life, and I’m now diving into things on a level I’ve never done before because the depression that would often sideline me isn’t occurring. As long as this remains the case, I will not stop taking the medication. I'm still bipolar 2, just as I still have the arrhythmia. I just – for the present at least – am able to treat both and am no longer suffering the symptoms of either.
I'm not saying Lamotrigine is the proper medication for you. You need to work with your provider to hopefully find something that does ease or manage the symptoms. Don't give up if the first one doesn't work. The first medication I took was horribly wrong for me. So keep trying. If you accept that you have a chronic condition and aim for getting the symptoms under control rather than seeking a cure, you might find more success.
Best of luck to you. I hope you are able to experience the same success I've been fortunate enough to find.
@myacct123 my husbands job was very high pressure with deadlines. He retired 2 years before he quite wanted due to pressure and physical health issues. A lot of his self worth was tied up in his identity of his job. His depression was quite immediate with his retirement. He did have a part time job once he retired, being able to work from home. That actually proved too much for him. His “dream” was to have time to do “nothing” for awhile after retiring. 10 years later and he’s still doing nothing, lacking all motivation. At this point his mental and especially physical health has suffered from lack of care.
@crabby55 Your husband has to realize that depression is a disease and get help. A friend of mines wife suffered from depression and thought once she retired from her very stressful job she didn’t need to keep taking her antidepressant. My friend told me that living with her was like walking on eggshells until she started taking her antidepressants again.
Depression is real and it is a disease that unfortunately far too many people suffer from. Many never get the medication they need a live a miserable existence. Your husband doesn’t have to be one of those people. I hope he gets the help he needs.
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I find it hard to socialize makes me think Im autistic like my mum was and my daughter is, and with all the arthritis etc ................. Im stuck at home very depressing ( I am diagnosed bipolar). age 65
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3 Reactions@tisme
I am bipolar, have depression and anxiety attacks. I’m not really sure how I cope. My biggest hang up is , I never had a good paying job, I’ve had to struggle all my life. I’m so tired of living like I have to. I couldn’t ever save anything because it always took everything I made to live. Now I’m 71 with just Social Security to depend on. I’m so exhausted from trying to stay afloat. I keep looking for a life boat, but it never comes. I’m so depressed all the time! I’m tired of worrying about it. I pray all the time for help. It just doesn’t seem to come. It’s a shame us seniors have to live on the edge 24/7.
Tired in Tennessee!
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3 ReactionsI was a nurse but gave it up to care for mum /dad /brother /daughter , so I couldnt save for retirement. at 65 my own health now is on a down hill slide. workers talk about retirement I wont ever retire, I am still caring for family I worry that rents will go up more than I can afford. I get angry when I think that carers like me have saved the government a fortune and this is the thanks we get.
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Hug
2 Reactions@sisyphus
I agree with all you said, and kudos to you for pulling yourself out of your depression. It’s a difficult task.
But it sounds like you are putting a big burden on the spouse. I know from experience that the husband has to want help before any intervention can start to make a difference. I live with a man who doesn’t want any help with his deep depressed state. At times it pulls me down too.
My advice to @crabby55 is to devote time to self care.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsFor many, depression and other mental health issues are lifelong, and many of them are treatment resistant. Understanding that more than 10 years ago helped me accept my illness and move forward. I still see a therapist and a psychiatrist, and take medications, after more than 20 years. They help, I'm sure. At the least I'm no longer actively suicidal, but it's a major effort to get going and do something productive still. With MDD, things that used to bring pleasure no longer do. Just a fact of life. I'm glad some people are able to overcome the negative effects of depression. More power to you!
Jim
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4 ReactionsThanks to all who have replied. Nice to have well wishes, insight and support. Tstrepy I resonate with most. I’ve said my husband is married to his depression. I cannot fix him. It is hard to not let it get you down at times. A huge burden. This is a 2nd marriage for me so fortunately my big lesson after divorcing 30 odd years ago was to stay true to myself. If I’m compromising, be totally aware and know it’s my choice. I do a lot of self care in knowing I always have choice. Thanks for the communication.
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Helpful -
Hug
6 Reactions@tstrepy
Because of a physical condition that was v difficult to get diagnosed (disbelief both from initial surgeon and from healthcare coworkers!) I became severely depressed.
What made it even worse was my then partner just didn’t “get it” and seemed to think I just needed a kick in the rear or similar.
I finally got proper diagnosis and surgery and life became good again (yes, partner was no longer around by then!).
Now am back in depression because of terminal health condition in a grandchild. I have no desire to do anything. On meds. I know with weather getting nicer I should walk daily but I just don’t care about it. Wishing I could just trade places with my grandchild. I’m old and they still have their whole life to live. It’s just not fair, it’s not right! 😢
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Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@myacct123 my husbands job was very high pressure with deadlines. He retired 2 years before he quite wanted due to pressure and physical health issues. A lot of his self worth was tied up in his identity of his job. His depression was quite immediate with his retirement. He did have a part time job once he retired, being able to work from home. That actually proved too much for him. His “dream” was to have time to do “nothing” for awhile after retiring. 10 years later and he’s still doing nothing, lacking all motivation. At this point his mental and especially physical health has suffered from lack of care.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI think like any chronic condition, it's not something that can be cured. What it can be is managed. In this I would compare it to my heart arrhythmia, which has been successfully managed without incident for over 25 years. So much so that I rarely think about it.
A couple of years ago, after a lifetime of deep depressive cycles that were gradually worsened by an antidepressant until they reached the point of self-harm attempts and a late in life bipolar 2 diagnosis (I was 59 at the time), my psychiatrist, in a discussion with me about how badly the antidepressant had not just failed me but endangered me, shifted me over to Lamotrigine. It's been a lifesaver. Since going on to it a little over two years ago now, I've had no depressive cycles and no thoughts of self-harm. This is after cyclical depression dating back to childhood that would hit me several times a year, coupled with a dangerously deepening depression over the final three years that I was on the antidepressant and daily thoughts of taking my life, I don't just feel like a new person (although I do), I feel better than I've ever known in my life. As happened with the arrhythmia years ago, I’m gradually thinking about my once debilitating depression less and less.
Getting back to that arrhythmia comparison, the medication I've long taken keeps my heart beating properly. So much so that I’m able to maintain a pretty active lifestyle. I’ve even successfully finished 17 marathons, something that was unattainable for me prior to being placed on the drug. Unless this ceases to be the case, I will not quit taking it because it's managing a condition that could be dangerous if left untreated. It's not gone, it's just under control.
I take the same view with Lamotrigine. My depression, which was reaching the dangerous stage, isn't cured, it's successfully managed. It no longer inhibits my daily life, and I’m now diving into things on a level I’ve never done before because the depression that would often sideline me isn’t occurring. As long as this remains the case, I will not stop taking the medication. I'm still bipolar 2, just as I still have the arrhythmia. I just – for the present at least – am able to treat both and am no longer suffering the symptoms of either.
I'm not saying Lamotrigine is the proper medication for you. You need to work with your provider to hopefully find something that does ease or manage the symptoms. Don't give up if the first one doesn't work. The first medication I took was horribly wrong for me. So keep trying. If you accept that you have a chronic condition and aim for getting the symptoms under control rather than seeking a cure, you might find more success.
Best of luck to you. I hope you are able to experience the same success I've been fortunate enough to find.
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2 Reactions@crabby55 Your husband has to realize that depression is a disease and get help. A friend of mines wife suffered from depression and thought once she retired from her very stressful job she didn’t need to keep taking her antidepressant. My friend told me that living with her was like walking on eggshells until she started taking her antidepressants again.
Depression is real and it is a disease that unfortunately far too many people suffer from. Many never get the medication they need a live a miserable existence. Your husband doesn’t have to be one of those people. I hope he gets the help he needs.
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