@bewildered
I was lucky enough to have a wonderful, skilled therapist for myself for about 15 years, when my son was about 25 - 40. She had a lot of experience helping family members of those with serious cases of bipolar disorder. She helped me to get through many rough spots. Unfortunately, she retired a few years ago. Now, I can still see her at her home office, but she is not a provider for Medicare, so, if I see her, I have to pay her full fee out of pocket. I cannot do that on a regular basis, but if I need her wise counsel and support and my son is going through a difficult period, I will go to see her once in a while. I currently see a psychiatric nurse practitioner. She is supposed to provide therapy, and she can prescribe my meds. I have recurring clinical depression, which began in 1966. The nurse practitioner is nearly worthless as a therapist, but at least I can go see her and vent, and she is located close to where I live.

For many years, during the early years of my son's illness and his struggles, I felt that I was grieving for him. I was heartbroken for him, because of all the restrictions his illness placed on his life, and because of all the things he would miss out on in life. His illness has greatly disrupted his life. His academic performance immediately declined considerably, after he was diagnosed (at age 14) and had to begin taking high doses of many different meds. My wonderful therapist, Judy, gradually taught me to focus on the things he could still do, and not to focus on all that would be lost to him, due to his illness.

I am blessed in that my son has always been compliant with his treatment, and has always kept his appointments with his psychiatrist, and with his therapist. He takes his medication as prescribed, because he wants to be as well and as high functioning as he can, in spite of his serious illness. He also always signs the necessary releases, so that I can talk to his psychiatrist and to his therapist, when warranted.

I am fortunate to have the financial resources to pay for an individual private health insurance policy for him, so that he has access to good psychiatrists and therapists. Unfortunately, where I live, most of the good psychiatrists do not accept Medicaid (or Medical, as it is called here in CA). I am also able to pay his co-payments for hospitalization, when he has to be hospitalized. I am able to combine the cost of his health insurance and all his medical expenses with my own medical expenses, to get a medical deduction on my income tax. I am well aware that these are privileges that the family members of many patients with serious mental illnesses cannot afford.

From the time my son was diagnosed until he was 20, I was able to work part time, so that I was more available for his care and support than I would have been if I had had to work full time. I was also able to pay for my own health insurance during this time, because employees who work part time usually do not get employer-provided health insurance. I am a single mom, and it would have been even more difficult to get my son through high school if I had had to work full time during those years. He is also my only child, so I did not have obligations to any other children I was raising.

I had a wonderful cousin who lived far away, but she had always been an important person in my life. She was always available for me to talk to, and she was interested in my son, and his challenges, and his progress. She passed away in Jan. of 2024, at the age of 96. I miss her terribly, but her support and caring helped me to get through many difficult times. My son was also very fond of her, and they talked on the phone frequently. We still have close relationships with her 3 adult children. She had 9 great grandchildren when she passed away. My son is now making plans to go visit with many of her family members this summer. Her son and my son have developed a good relationship, and her son tries to
(reply to be continued)

@bewildered
(continued reply)
support my son as much as he can, as do his two sisters. This is a wonderful family, and we are both thankful for their important role in our lives.

I am retired, and will turn 80 this year. I have some social activities that I try to participate in on a regular basis. In these groups, I have several good friends. One of my special friends has a daughter who has bipolar II disorder. We are able to lend each other support, and we get together and share the status and condition of her daughter and my son. Neither of them is able to work, due to this illness. I think it helps to have friends whose children have a similar illness, and face similar challenges.

My son is an excellent patient, with no compliance issues. He takes his medication as prescribed. He has an excellent psychiatrist. His long time therapist passed away in Dec. of 2024, but he now has a different male therapist who is covered by his insurance. That relationship is working out, and is helpful to my son.

My son was quite withdrawn for many years, after he was diagnosed. His bipolar disorder sometimes has schizoaffective features, and he is a rapid cycler. Now he has an active social life, and many different friends he spends time with. He also volunteers at a retirement home near where he lives. He simply visits with some of the residents there, on 2 or 3 days a week. He enjoys doing that, and talking to the old folks. He is quite good at relating to older people. Part of the reason for that is that we lived with my father during the last 6 1/2 years of his life, after my mother had passed away. I left my husband when I was 44, and my son and I moved in with my widowed father. He was 80 at the time, and my son was 9. They bonded, and formed a very special relationship. My son still often talks about his grandpa, and is grateful for all the help and support we both got from my father.

These are some of the positive things I have in my life that help me to carry on, and try to stay positive, even though I am constantly aware of the seriousness of my son's illness, and of the restrictions it places on his life. When he has to be hospitalized, and seems to be making little or no progress during his hospitalization, those are especially stressful times for me. At those times, I try to take good care of myself, and I try to be his advocate with the hospital staff. I try to make the health professionals aware of his issues and his history with his illness, so that they will understand what will and will not be helpful to him in these times of crisis.

My son lives on his own, in a condo that I own. He usually comes to have dinner with me on Sunday evening. He currently has a roommate, and she sometimes comes with him to dinner. My son understands how fortunate we are to have the financial resources that we do, and he frequently thanks me for what I do to try to support and help him, and to see that he always has good care.

When my son was first diagnosed, I read good , reliable information on bipolar disorder, including good books that were available at that time, in order to educate myself. I also attended many support groups run by the DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance), for patients, and for family members and friends of patients. I learned a lot from attending those support groups. The web site for the DBSA is http://www.dbsalliance.org. It is a nationwide organization, with support groups throughout the country. There is a lot of good information on their web site. Another good source of reliable and up-to-date information is the site http://www.medscape.com. That site is free, but you have to sign up as a user, and get a password. (reply to be continued)

@bewildered
(continued reply from Connie 31 March 2026)
They publish information from medical conferences, information on ongoing clinical trials, lots of information on thousands of drugs, and other articles of interest on different topics. You could sign up for that site, and then indicate that you are interested in the field of psychiatry.

Since my son was only 14 when he was diagnosed, I had to drive him to his appointments, and I sat in on his appointments with his excellent psychiatrist. I was thus able to ask the doctor anything I wanted to about my son's treatment, and about the medications that were prescribed. I also wrote down everything the psychiatrist said about the meds, and their possible side effects. In addition, I was always able to reach the psychiatrist by phone, in between my son's appointments. My son was in the care of that psychiatrist for 6 1/2 years, and I learned a great deal about my son's illness and his condition during those years. After those 6 1/2 years, that psychiatrist turned my son over to the psychiatrist who is still his out-patient psychiatrist. Until a few years ago, that doctor was also on the staff of the psychiatric hospital where my son has been hospitalized most often. It was a huge advantage for my son to have the same psychiatrist for his in-patient and his out-patient care, for many years.

I hope my response will be helpful to you in some way. I wish you the best on your journey with your son. Pl

Please confirm to me that you have received all 3 pages of my reply. I sent each page as a separate reply, to try to avoid having the Mayo Cinic support group site freeze or lock up when I sent you my reply.

Connie