I like to think my PCa has made me a better person. When I heard the words "you have aggressive and advanced prostate cancer" everything changed. There I was, at 72, complacently going about my comfortable retired life while this black spider was spinning its web inside my body. I had not a clue. My outcome remains to be seen, so many permutations regarding treatments, outcomes, side effects. But wait.... I am enjoying every day, talking to and walking my big beautiful dogs in the woods, saying hello to people in the store. Being kind to family. Taking care of my business so as to make things easier for them when my time does come. In a strange way I was glad, even elated, to learn I have this serious illness; it gave me purpose, a reason to live the rest of my time with a sense of urgency, the clock is ticking, do not waste a moment I tell myself.
To borrow a phrase from a book I am reading: I want to be alive when I die.
Ill be outside in my canoe today, for the first time this year. Im looking forward to dipping my paddle in that cold dark water, listening to the blackbirds as I push off from shore.
Thank you Mom and Dad, for giving me this lovely moment.....Ill be sure to think of you today, on the river.