@afraidinsd First I'm going to tag @val64 as she is very knowledgeable about POLE testing. She started a discussion a few years ago on this topic and I hope that by reading through this discussion you will better understand what POLE testing is and what it is done.

- Mayo Clinic Connect: Was your endometrial cancer tested for mutations in the gene POLE? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/testing-endometrial-cancer-for-mutations-in-the-gene-pole/

-- Was your endometrial cancer tested for mutations in the gene POLE?

While I was relieved to hear that your case was discussed by the tumor board on Monday I was stunned by your news that followed about your husband and his desire for a divorce. I had endometrial cancer that was diagnosed in 2019 and I recall that punch in my gut I felt when I received that news. I've also been married and divorced and I recall a similar feeling of shock and gut punch when my now ex-husband admitted to me that he wanted a divorce. But in my case the cancer and the divorce happened many years apart. With the physical and emotional stress you are under it's no wonder you feel anxious, and depressed.

Do you have adult children or family who live near you and support you? Have you looked into the support groups recommended by @ffr? Do you already see a mental health therapist? If no, could you ask your cancer care team to refer you to their social worker? Many oncology departments have social workers who specialize in cancer and work with their patients.

@afraidinsd I am praying for you. Have y’all been through counseling? It can be very helpful. Also if you know the Lord Jesus as your Savior and Lord you can count on Him for comfort and peace. Get involved in a Bible teaching church for support. I have been a Christian for 50+ years. In Psalm 23 it says “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou (the Lord) are will me”. Cancer is a “valley of the shadow of death” not death but a shadow of it. He promises to be with those who put their trust in Him.

If you find yourself going through this alone, just know a lot of people are in the same boat and they’re doing just fine. I’m unmarried with no kids myself, and I don’t always feel comfortable reaching out to friends because of distance or what they’re dealing with. I’ve been thinking that in-person meetup groups with people in similar situations might be beneficial for me, but I haven’t had time to look into it yet. Maybe people here know of something (I'm in Los Angeles). If so, maybe we'd both benefit from learning about them.

@afraidinsd Hello again: such devastating personal news, which obviously makes your road that much more difficult. But as inquirer noted, you have company in being alone. I offer myself as an example: no partner/spouse/roommate, no kids or siblings or workmates (retired). Not even a deep bench of close local friends. But I continue to make it through. You will, too, because you have no choice. And you will find support from the most surprising sources.

I leave it to others to advise of the organizational providers of support: your oncology office, cancer-related NGO's, support groups, therapists, other local oncology servicers (for example, I get my treatment thru a community oncology entity, but my large metro area has several top-notch university and hospital oncology centers). That's where a lot of the work comes in - contacting all those entities and finding the right fit for you. But at least it keeps you busy!

What I wanted to cover here is dealing with the feeling of being alone. We all have different ways of dealing with cancer. I decided to share my diagnosis w/ just about anybody. Managing alone w/ Stage IVC cancer is impossible. One of my biggest challenges is getting rides for all the surgeries, biopsies, procedures. I'm not inclined to ask for help, but I had to. And you know what? I cobbled together a team of drivers from neighbors to friends to acquaintances. And developed much stronger relationships while sitting side by side in the dark cold mornings navigating city streets while discussing life. (Having to be at the hospital by 6 a.m. is such an inconvenience.)

I talked about cancer in the dentist's waiting room and discovered my two fellow waitees had their own cancer stories. We had a 15-minute impromptu support group. A close friend traveled 600 miles (RT) to care for me after surgery after getting permission to work from my house remotely. Enough people stepped up with rides, meals, listening ears, snow shoveling, etc. And it's often the ones you would never expect. I predict that in the nearish time you will have somebody in your life who is a big support, and you haven't even met them yet. In some ways cancer shrinks your world, but it broadens it in other ways. It's not always horrible, there will likely be sweet moments of appreciation where you feel connected to life and humanity and the world. You may not feel that now but I hope it is in your future.

As I gained my footing I got deeper into researching endometrial cancer. I find it relaxing to watch Continuing Medical Education videos on YouTube where international cancer experts are giddy with excitement at new treatments on the horizon. Their excitement fosters my hope. It's my way of feeling in control. You will see others on this site have their own ways of feeling in control: religion, diet, exercise. I trust you will find your own approach that helps you keep your anxiety at bay.

You can do this. There are others out there, known and unknown, who are waiting to help you. You just need to reach out, and you will get support. Not everyone will be there for you, but in the end it will be enough. Truly.