My anxiety starts probably 3 months before every annual mammogram. My head is all over the place, I even have like brain fog because my mind has too much going on with the anxiety of hearing bad news. You're not a different person or less strong, you're just having normal feelings, I am the same way. What works for me is having both plans one for bad news and one for good news. The good news plan is a celebration its sometimes, an overnight treat trip someplace or even a full blown vacation to book once I hear that good news. If it's bad news I have a plan of attack on how to fix it and that plan helps me sleep better some nights but at the end of the day it's exhausting and it beats us up ): This forum helped me get through my breast cancer, so many fantastic people here and everyone cheering everyone on is a blessing! Prayers for you, and sending you lots of hugs!