@hhibird I am sorry to hear about your experience. It should not be like that at all. It makes me want to steer clear of HoLEP.
Last night I was watching videos about kegels and learning to do them properly. One of the videos had a doctor interviewing a physical therapist. If I understand correctly, the physical therapist said that you can do kegels too much and not get the results you want. He also recommended stretching the pelvic floor muscles to get them to relax. I take the information on YouTube with a grain of salt and compare with other sources, too. If you want I could look through my video history to find the video.