At first I couldn't look at my chest. I didn't even know what to call a "boob-less" area. When I finally looked, I screamed and sobbed and collapsed on the bathroom floor. The incision will fade and be less dramatic. Although I said from the start that I didn't want reconstruction the surgeon, a woman, ignored me, I wasn't told I had any choice. I had the "This is how it's going down" dogmatic medicine. The surgeon left an unsightly pouch of excess skin. I would have to have another surgery to have it removed. I was later told, "You might change your mind." It's been seven years now. I haven't changed my mind. I knew my mind when I had surgery. I wasn't heard.
You will need to grieve the loss of your breast. You may have phantom limb syndrome where you'll have the sensation that your breast is still there. Just remember no matter what you experience at first, it is temporary. Pain and discomfort and your grief will subside. You will get used to your new body. Reading your post, I was impressed with your writing about your feelings about your breasts. Keep writing. Keep a journal or a blog. What you are experiencing and the way you are expressing it, is important. By writing you will vent; but you can also help others understand what it means to have breast cancer and treatment and help those who are facing it.
I was not particularly large so I opted to not have reconstruction and I went "unicorn". I have one breast. I got a prosthetic but found it heavy and uncomfortable. Right after or before your surgery you may be given "Knitted Knockers" https://www.knittedknockers.org/ They are a soft prosthetic and you can pull cotton batting out of it or add to it to make it the size you want. Just think, you can be larger than you used to be or smaller. At first I didn't want anything to replace my breast. I now keep these soft prosthetics handy and have a few mastectomy bras. You can order mastectomy bras and all sorts of things through the American Cancer Society's catalog Ever You. EverYou.com If I'm wearing something form fitting, I will put one of the "knitted knockers" in the pocket in the mastectomy bra. They're soft like a breast and soft against your chest. Mostly I wear loose clothing. Considering people ask me what kind of cancer I had, they obviously don't notice that I only have one breast!
You are starting a new "post cancer" life. It will never be the same but your new life is as good, if not better.
You need to give yourself time to grieve. It's okay to cry. This is a time to be good to yourself. You deserve it.
I found the American Cancer Society understands what having cancer treatment means. They offer support.
Looking back, no one ever told me how brave I was going each week for chemo and a long course of radiation. No one recognized how much it took to get up and show up for the follow up appointments. The closest I got to being told I was brave was when I walked in to an appointment and the doctor said, "I didn't expect you." I stared and he continued, "Many women quit before this point."
So, I'll say to you what I wished someone had said to me. You are courageous. You are facing this challenge. Don't quit. You've got a new life at the end of this dark tunnel. Every woman who goes through this, whether it is a bilateral mastectomy or a lumpectomy, is courageous. You are far more than a breast. Good luck,