@jlharsh and to answer your question how do I handle the stress I don't really know honestly I just feel like the days fly by and I can't wait for the next day to come and then when it's here I can't wait for the next day to end I trap rats in the meantime plant mango trees in my yard and do regular routine walking around a few lakes with my dogs I don't do much outside of worship Sunday and at times I attend prayer meeting. I was using alcohol not in huge amounts but to cope with the stress I would buy a beer or a six pack and that would get me through 2 weeks or so but I stopped around 6 months ago just knowing that I didn't want to have vices. But at times it seems like the only thing that I could do to be able to eat anything. I did at one point two years ago order medical marijuana which was bologna because it made me more anxious and guilty feeling even though they were tinctures and that kind of thing for the most part I want to give up everything and just rely on the Lord but I still do take a light antidepressant that to me also is a vice that I don't like I sleep a lot have no energy and I am just feeling sort of like I'm doing time I've been in this rebuild Florida prison under the guys of pretend engineers and core destruction really it's construction that they have destroyed my home in my life more than I can imagine