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Dealing with adult son with mental health: Parents want to share?
Mental Health | Last Active: Mar 11 9:02am | Replies (257)Comment receiving replies
March 6
I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship with your son has become so difficult. I have a son who is 44. He was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder at the age of 14. His illness also includes schizoaffective features. Though I understand that you are out of touch with your son right now, it might be a good idea if he could be seen by a different psychiatrist, to find out whether a second (or even a 3rd) psychiatrist agrees with the diagnosis of paranoid personality disorder. Some of the symptoms you have described, such as isolation and paranoia, can be experienced by bipolar patients who are experiencing psychosis, or by patients with schizophrenia. Paranoia and isolation can occur when a bipolar patient is manic, or when he/she is depressed. Since the medication he is currently taking is not helpful, it could be that the diagnosis is incorrect.
There are many different medications that are used to treat bipolar disorder. In addition to a mood stabilizer, some patients take anti-psychotic medications. The anti-psychotics are often helpful in treating the symptoms of paranoia. Paranoia and isolation often go together, because when a patient is experiencing paranoia, he/she may not feel comfortable being around other people, or being out in public.
If you can encourage your son to see a different psychiatrist, he will need to understand that he must take the new medication for a while, before it can be determined whether the new meds are helpful. It will also be important that he take the medications regularly, as prescribed. If he becomes a patient of a different psychiatrist, then the new doctor will most likely encourage him to start seeing a therapist again, as well.
As far as the HIPAA legislation is concerned, you can talk to his doctor to give him/her information about your son's behavior and symptoms and struggles. Unless your son signs a release allowing his doctor to give you information about his diagnosis, medications, and treatment, the doctor cannot talk to you about those things. My son has signed the appropriate release for me talk to his psychiatrist and his psychologist every year since he turned 18. Since he was diagnosed at the age of 14, there was no need for him to sign a release until he turned 18. It may have easier for us, because he was used to me interacting with his doctor from the time he was 14.
I wish you the very best as you attempt to re-establish contact with your son. Somehow, you will get through to him that you want to help him. When he is willing to accept that help, then he can seek out different psychiatrist(s), and possibly get a different opinion about his diagnosis.
Connie
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@conniey How I wish it was that easy, Connie!
Of course, everything you said I have been down that road. I have done everything but stand on my head to try to help him, offer my help in any way possible, offered & suggested EVERYTHING you wrote. And all to no avail. He's in the mid west, I am in Central PA. We are in contact (text, phone) but only on his terms, not mine. He road blocks me at every turn but first gives the impression I have a "good idea", & then he follows thru with NOTHING I suggest. He is/has been immobile/paralyzed for 4 years now. Same psychiatrist, won't change. Won't move, there's nothing now for him in his city, except doctors. Complete isolation continues, and never mind friends/extended family, but from me and his father. Works from home but won't discuss his job with me. Discusses nothing with me about his life. Our calls consist of what new medication he is now trying (he does his own research, asks his psychiatrist for a new medication & his psychiatrist goes along with him) and my medical updates. At least he use to visit me, now that is falling by the wayside. I want to visit with him, he comes up with many excuses not to. I believe his condo is now a total mess & probably embarrassed. His father lives in the south...has his head in the sand and actually said to me "I can't help him, wish I could". I am a former psychiatrist nurse, working in the field for 25+ years - so I know "the drill". I called his mental health clinic and the office manager refused to allow me to speak with his doctor. Only said "is he a danger to himself or others?". "If so, we will call 911". I believe my son is not transparent with his sessions with psychiatrist/therapist. Absolutely no change in him for 4 years. I ask him "how can I help you?". His response "just support me." Well, support what?? His lack of any improvement for 4 years? His heart breaking life he is/has been living? He's 41 now. Should be in the prime of his life in every way. The anger and frustration I feel can't be measured. But I can't direct that at him. I did a couple of times and he "punished" me by not calling and refusing all contact with me. I was the one who had to reach out, I could not tolerate being isolated from him. This entire situation with my only child is making me sick. Last year diagnosed with breast cancer...a connection?? Chronic stress wrecks havoc with your body and mind. Do I completely disengage from him or keep whatever lines of communication open I have with him? I am not even sure of his mental health diagnosis. His behaviors run the spectrum. Despite my best efforts, does nothing for himself in the way of self-care. Nothing. He is a heart attack waiting to happen. Every weekend spent entirely in bed. Use to love to cook, now never. His entire life up to age 37 was simply fantastic, he was happily climbing the ladder in work, traveling, engaging with lots of his loving friends, a wonderful son to me in every way. He was so very well liked, a leader in his job, admired by all his staff. Living a wonderful life. So his new boss wanted what my son made with the job and moved him to another position he hated & took his job. Then his best friend of 30 years died, all within 1 year. Absolute trauma, no question he took 2 major, major hits. Went down the rabbit hole and has no indication, whatsoever, of ever climbing back out. A surprise to me. My son always made lemonade out of lemons. Abuse of his prescription medication? Yes, probably. I have proof but can not tell him because I "snooped" in his room while visiting me a year ago. But he tells me now he is "off that drug". Is it the truth? Who knows? I feel my hands are completely tied. I told his father "we are standing by, while our son is drowning." He had no response to this...never was the father-of-the-year with him but was wonderful when he was a baby and small child. As my son grew, my ex just became more and more involved in himself and his toys. Abusive unfortunately...perhaps I should have divorced him when my son was 5 instead of waiting for him to finish college. The guilt is unbelievable. My son more than knows I want to help him. But he won't let me.
Thank you for all your thoughts. Of course, you are right-on with it all. How I wish I could implement them...he won't let me. All the very best as you travel your road with your son.