Surgery Looming Ahead 3/10/26

I so understand your post. When i was young i prayed to God my boobs would grow!!! I had 2 sisters who did grow bigger boobs but i seemed to have inherited Dads genes. So, imagine my surprise when diagnosed, that based on my tumor size, and getting margins, I would need a mastectomy. My chemo only shrunk the tumor 1/2. At that time, I said "Really GOD". What the hell. Not married and now no boobs!!! I ended up having Brca2, so i had a double mastectomy. Meeting the plastics dr I thought i could finally have those huge boobs! Alas, I was to be 62. I did have implants, sans nipples, and i am the same size i have always been,
To you srobinet, I know someone suggested I take nude photos of myself. So, i bought an instant camera. She suggested those fancy photos one can take in a studio. She said there are those who will take these photos of women for this reason. Do what you need to remember.
I always felt if i did have the boobs i would feel as you do. God gave us them to nurse babies, plus men love them as much as we do. What beauty is in a women's body. For me, they were mine, but i knew i had to let them go.
Every day i look at myself, my barbie boobs and am reminded i had breast cancer. I never ever thought i would get breast cancer. I did not have big boobs!!!! Today i am reminded i will be at 5 years in July of 2026. When i was 1st diagnosed. I had thought when i had my surgery in Feb of 2022.
It is a loss. I tell women to feel yourself. Touch yourself. And cry, cry and cry. My friend that had a flat closure has not had regret at 6 years out. She is alive when she was not supposed to be.
You did not choose this but if it is the best choice for your diagnosis, please know you have Mayo Clinic here, where many women will post and share with you. Sending you a hug and a basket of hope.

@katgob

Thank you for your kind words. The bilateral mastectomy is the best choice I feel for me. My tumor is aggressive but tiny and a grade 3. My mom had 2 different types of breast cancer about 3 years apart. We lost her 2 years ago. I'm hoping by doing this I can reduce my chances of ever getting this again. This forum has given me such wonderful information and support. I wish you well.

@srobinet

Wishing you good luck and God bless.

I had a pre cancer on the left breast. At 6 month follow up they found cancer in the right breast. 7 mammograms in 3 years…. But they finally saw it on the right side with mammogram 7??
Anyway I decided to to get double mastectomy with reconstruction..
I am so pleased with my decision.. pathology showed another pre cancer starting on the left.
I never looked back from that decision. I had implants as my reconstruction. Great surgeon. They saved the skin and nipple so I look pretty natural.
It took some time to get used to a new chest…. Not much different in size, I was small before. But I am so happy with my decision. No more mammograms, etc.
I was in there every 6 months getting mammograms ultrasounds, biopsies………
I never looked at it all as losing something… I focused on what I was gaining. I know it’s scary…. But you can have a great outcome. All the best.

At first I couldn't look at my chest. I didn't even know what to call a "boob-less" area. When I finally looked, I screamed and sobbed and collapsed on the bathroom floor. The incision will fade and be less dramatic. Although I said from the start that I didn't want reconstruction the surgeon, a woman, ignored me, I wasn't told I had any choice. I had the "This is how it's going down" dogmatic medicine. The surgeon left an unsightly pouch of excess skin. I would have to have another surgery to have it removed. I was later told, "You might change your mind." It's been seven years now. I haven't changed my mind. I knew my mind when I had surgery. I wasn't heard.
You will need to grieve the loss of your breast. You may have phantom limb syndrome where you'll have the sensation that your breast is still there. Just remember no matter what you experience at first, it is temporary. Pain and discomfort and your grief will subside. You will get used to your new body. Reading your post, I was impressed with your writing about your feelings about your breasts. Keep writing. Keep a journal or a blog. What you are experiencing and the way you are expressing it, is important. By writing you will vent; but you can also help others understand what it means to have breast cancer and treatment and help those who are facing it.
I was not particularly large so I opted to not have reconstruction and I went "unicorn". I have one breast. I got a prosthetic but found it heavy and uncomfortable. Right after or before your surgery you may be given "Knitted Knockers" https://www.knittedknockers.org/ They are a soft prosthetic and you can pull cotton batting out of it or add to it to make it the size you want. Just think, you can be larger than you used to be or smaller. At first I didn't want anything to replace my breast. I now keep these soft prosthetics handy and have a few mastectomy bras. You can order mastectomy bras and all sorts of things through the American Cancer Society's catalog Ever You. EverYou.com If I'm wearing something form fitting, I will put one of the "knitted knockers" in the pocket in the mastectomy bra. They're soft like a breast and soft against your chest. Mostly I wear loose clothing. Considering people ask me what kind of cancer I had, they obviously don't notice that I only have one breast!
You are starting a new "post cancer" life. It will never be the same but your new life is as good, if not better.
You need to give yourself time to grieve. It's okay to cry. This is a time to be good to yourself. You deserve it.
I found the American Cancer Society understands what having cancer treatment means. They offer support.
Looking back, no one ever told me how brave I was going each week for chemo and a long course of radiation. No one recognized how much it took to get up and show up for the follow up appointments. The closest I got to being told I was brave was when I walked in to an appointment and the doctor said, "I didn't expect you." I stared and he continued, "Many women quit before this point."
So, I'll say to you what I wished someone had said to me. You are courageous. You are facing this challenge. Don't quit. You've got a new life at the end of this dark tunnel. Every woman who goes through this, whether it is a bilateral mastectomy or a lumpectomy, is courageous. You are far more than a breast. Good luck,

Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. My way of thinking was step by step. I didn't think too far in the future. I went where they wanted and followed instructions. This helped me from getting overwhelmed. I had a bilateral mastectomy with nipple removal (not by choice) and 3 lymph nodes removed. I, like you, worried about my physical appearance after and decided to have implants the same size that I was. Total failure. One flipped so it was like an omelette and the second had shifted due to radiation. I had them removed and had a deep flap procedure done. This is where they remove fat from another area and "plug" them into your breast area. This is an all natural way to have some boobs. The bonus was they took it from my abdomen so I got rid of my little pouch. I am having a lot of necrosis in one breast which is dead tissue that forms hard lumps. All in all, I still would go the route of the deep flap procedure. I worried about the implants leaking.

You will get through this and will be amazed at your strength. There are going to be tough days but you will pull yourself up and stay in the fight. Let your emotions play themselves out. You're entitled to that. Stay positive and stay strong. Sending my best wishes.❤️

@wellgirl thank you so much for reaching out. I appreciate all of the good thoughts. I have indeed cried more than once. I will probably do so again when I see my new chest. I am strong and I will survive this God willing. I am 12 hours from surgery. I have stayed busy all day running errands, walking etc keeping my mind off of it. I probably over did it but it was nice to not just sit and think about it. I will probably not sleep much tonight because of anxiety and worrying about over sleeping . I have to get up at 3:00 am to shower and I live about 60 minutes from the hospital have to be there at 5:30 a.m. I will just be glad to finally get it done. It has been 3 months since my diagnosis.

Sending you a big hug .

That's a long haul before surgery. I hope someone drove you to the hospital so you don't have to drive home after surgery. It isn't that you can't, but you'll still feel drained. I had my surgery in the afternoon and I'm only three miles from the hospital . My surgery was four months after diagnosis. I had chemo and then Covid hit when I started radiation. Oh, that was fun...
Never in my wildest dreams at the time did I think I'd be reaching out to other women to help them through the same. I was angry, and felt very alone, and knew nothing about Mayo Clinic Connect or other support groups. I just felt the whole thing was a nightmare and wanted it to end. Mayo Clinic Connect has been very helpful for me. Just reading other women's stories and their fears and victories has been helpful all these years after my cancer treatment.
You can't believe how in awe I am of you for even asking the questions you've asked and thinking about what it all means to you. You've got this!
Take your time about looking at your chest. You've just gone through a whole lot. You'll know when you're ready. Sending you the best wishes.