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CCRC - How early/late is too early/late?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Mar 13 9:39pm | Replies (11)Comment receiving replies
To dlynng: Everyone's situation is different so taking the time to research all the possibilities available for you is time well spent. I too feel like I have to have a plan in place to make any future transitions less stressful. It took me about 6 months to finally have a clear idea of what that is. My husband has moderate dementia, can no longer use a phone, TV controller, willingly bathe himself. I started noticing things about 2022. Frequent fender benders, unable to write checks correctly among other signs. Now I cannot leave him alone. That would be like leaving a toddler alone. He would be unable to call for help if he fell, which he has done a lot in the last two years. I have decided to keep him in our home of 45 years. I feel that if I were to place him somewhere other than here, it would not only frighten him, not understanding where he is or where I am but also exacerbate his dementia. So we had our boys move out all his office furniture from his downstairs office and put our bedroom furniture in there. I had to install baby gate at the bottom of the stairs because of the risk of him falling down the stairs. I put a baby monitor next to his bed so I can see when he gets out of bed when I am in another room. In May of 2025 he fell out of bed, hit his head on the nightstand and suffered a subarachnoid (brain) hemorrhage. After being discharged from the hospital I tried to monitor his activities though the night but it was exhausting so I had to hire caregivers to sit with him from 11pm to 7am. It is so important that you take care of yourself. Last December a good friend moved in with us to help care for my husband so I pay her now instead of the agency. This has worked out well for us. The other issue that I had to consider is that he is an insulin dependent diabetic which means I would have to place him in a facility that can provide daily monitoring and administration of insulin. I have taught two of my adult children how to do this so I can get away for longer periods of time knowing that they can manage his diabetes. My plan is to allow him to be in his own home until the Lord takes him. Hopefully that is what will happen.
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@ocdogmom
I can so relate to so much of what you said here, but you had me at “ocdogmom”. Assume you have dogs. We do, also, and part of my worry is that they may get forgotten outside in the cold. One day, my husband left the house door AND the garage door open when he left to go somewhere. Thankfully, a neighbor called me and said the dogs were running loose in the neighborhood.
But to the more important points you’ve made…it sounds like your decisions about the present and future were made with great care and thought! I agree that in our situation, a move from our long - time home would exacerbate my husband’s dementia. I hope to be able to find caring, qualified people when the time comes to come (and it’s not far off) and stay with him so I can still get out once or twice a week. Since losing my son (aged 51) to glioblastoma last Fall, my volunteer work with my therapy dog at the hospital has become even more important to me, and I need to keep doing it for as long as I can. My husband has good days and not-so good days, and the TV remote, his phone and iPad are more challenging for him every day. (He used to fix all the computers in his office, so this is a very significant change. But I’m learning to do a lot of new things, and have supportive kids, so I am hoping like you, to remain in our home as long as we can! Best wishes!!!