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How do I grieve an estranged family member?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Mar 3 1:40am | Replies (47)Comment receiving replies
@scottrl
So sorry to hear of your situation. Your being a twin probably complicates your grief. The common courtesy of their notifying you would probably have gone a long way in making you feel valid (I hope I'm not assuming too much). I think anger is useful sometimes but it probably comes from pain. It kept me afloat for the few weeks after his death. I did see a counselor which was helpful but really the mind-bender is the estrangement. It sort of short circuits everything. I guess it's a slow process and a reminder that we shouldn't assume what others might be feeling. Seems like they didn't acknowledge that you might grieve the loss of your brother.
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@ae49 Thank you. It's a very long story, to be sure, and of course I won't put details in a public forum, but there's a lot of bad history involved.
Yes, I was somewhat surprised that none of his kids notified me (it's not like I'm hard to find; a search on my name brings up my YouTube channel PDQ).
At the same time ... I wasn't really shocked by their behavior. Again, a long story.
To me, the grief is more about lost opportunity. Things could have been much different. But it's definitely too late now.
They say that living well is the best revenge. I don't know about the "revenge" part, but I'm glad I took the path I did. I have a good life, despite my disability.
Years ago, I saw a movie that had this line: "What are you looking for? If it isn't peace, it's probably the wrong thing." Words I live by. There's no peace without love, so I try to cultivate love, not resentment or anger. It works ... most of the time.