@scottrl
I appreciate you sharing about your feelings related to the death of your twin brother after years of estrangement. I commend you for seeking out a grief counselor! It is important for you to have closure to help replace the unresolved anger you are feeling.

I would also encourage you to read a book by David Kessler (he co-authored one with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross). In Kessler's book, The Sixth Stage of Grief, he has a chapter titled "Complicated Relationships" (chapter 8). He discusses Finishing Our Unfinished Business, Forgiving, and a section titled "Stakes are Higher in Grief." While it doesn't offer any easy way through this type of grief, it does offer ideas and, most importantly, a helpful perspective. It won't necessarily make this process easier, but it does offer new ways to think about it. The book was available at my public library.

Will you post again and share what you are learning and how you are feeling?

@scottrl
So sorry to hear of your situation. Your being a twin probably complicates your grief. The common courtesy of their notifying you would probably have gone a long way in making you feel valid (I hope I'm not assuming too much). I think anger is useful sometimes but it probably comes from pain. It kept me afloat for the few weeks after his death. I did see a counselor which was helpful but really the mind-bender is the estrangement. It sort of short circuits everything. I guess it's a slow process and a reminder that we shouldn't assume what others might be feeling. Seems like they didn't acknowledge that you might grieve the loss of your brother.