Thank you for your thoughts. I'll look into putting feelings on paper. I think there are some things people don't understand about estrangement and death. I feel like my grief is downplayed by some because they don't think it's as valid since we hadn't spoken for years. Some comments from people are hurtful that way. It would be nice to connect with someone who has experienced similar issues . A good amount of people are dealing with estrangement but I've not seen any mention of the death of an estranged adult child. Also the circumstances after my son's parting were quite painful as we were not invited to his celebration of life nor were we included in his scattering of ashes. His wife made it clear that his "chosen family" was all that mattered. I was so angry at her and him because we couldn't even grieve for him in a normal way. I didn't vent or show anger to her about it as I was stunned and knew she was grieving too. I have since had no contact with her. It has been so complicated. There was no incident whatsoever that caused the estrangement so we have been left with an unresolved mystery. I try to remember him as my child and I know we were close for all the years before he became an adult which is some comfort. It's moving along but slowly. It's been 2 1/2 years now and I still get the mix of angry and sad but mostly I just accept that I'll never have answers. It's up to me to find closure. Thanks again for listening.