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i'll be honest, i'm way more scared this time than i remember being the first time ,,, i may not be as i don't remember a ton from that time because i was more worried about my friend and his cancer i think... i don't remember having these thoughts i've been having the last time ... maybe its my impatience, idk but i'd have much rather started the treatment as soon as they found it...not give it another week to grow in my body... i understand some things take a bit to get scheduled etc...but i'm quite impatient to just get it going...i keep thinking "ok what could i do to speed up this fight" so to speak.. i'm having all kinds of weird thoughts, like i should be doing things to prepare to die (ie getting property distributed etc)" but at the same time its like " heck no, i'm going to beat it this time too, i'm done with this crap" but these started before i even was diagnosed this time...was i subconsciously realizing this was happening? idk..
i know this board was highly supportive last time and sooo i guess thats why i came here when i realized it was back... i knew i could come here, talk about my fears, nerves, etc and be ok...yall wouldn't judge me...
Replies to "i'll be honest, i'm way more scared this time than i remember being the first time..."
@mommacandy
Hi there, I’m sorry to hear this news. Sending you positive thoughts and energy as you prepare for this next round of treatment. Keep us posted. We are all rooting for you. 💙
@mommacandy Don't let your thoughts interfere with moving ahead. You beat this before you can do it again. We all have that same fear even before we actually get it. For me every unfamiliar twitch brings it back, push those thoughts away. I will be praying that you can overcome those negative thoughts and replace them with clear thinking. You are so very strong. You are still here embrace that.
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@mommacandy You've been on my mind lately as I was wondering if your recent cancer surveillance appointments continued to be NED for you.
I'm really glad you came back here to let us know what's going on . When I had a recurrence two years after my initial diagnosis (for me the initial diagnosis was endometroid adenocarcinoma, FIGO 1 Stage 1a, radical hysterectomy and no other treatment) I was far more frightened than the first time. My mind went to some dark places like you. It took a few weeks for additional tests , phone calls back and forth, and then radiation therapy was recommended. I did the radiation therapy and I chose to live in Rochester, MN for. weeks where Mayo Clinic is located and where I've been a patient . The local oncology care in the rural area where I live is, well, not all that good. I recall that initially you went to another state for your care too. So will you be traveling again for chemotherapy? It's all so disruptive and not at all what we planned on, right?
Thank heavens you listened to your body and insisted and insisted that something was not right. Finally, the CT scan confirmed just that.
We will continue our support for you. Go ahead and talk about your fears, your worries, anything that comes up for you. We take care of one another and we listen. And no judgement here.