@pml
I understand. Your experience sounds similar to ours.

My DH and I first met with 2 people from palliative 3 care years before he died. They, too, only talked about end of life issues. After that he refused to meet with anyone affiliated with palliative care, and I felt the same. It was depressing.

I finally spoke with his PCP about the experience and he referred us to someone who had a different focus. In front of my husband, we all used the term"comfort care" and the doctor was lovely. I started the conversation by telling her the things I wanted to address. (Husband not being moved from bed to chair enough, not eating because diet was too restrictive...) She also helped me when he was hospitalized, making sure I had everything I needed.

I think doctor's believe they are ordering one type of care but specialists, unless they are told, use their boilerplate pitch which was just depressing.

I hope this helps others who may have this experience.