Good morning, @thenester.
Ohh goodness, “Terrified” is such an intense word! I hope with the help of some of my BMT (allogeneic bone marrow transplant) friends here we can help you feel less fearful of the procedure and recovery.
While you’re no longer able to have the autologous transplant using your own cells, there still may be the option of the allogeneic tranpslant using donor blood stem cells.

The upside, there are long term benefits to having the allo transplant such as you’re less likely to have a repeat transplant than with the auto. Your current immune system is no longer recognizing cancer cells responsible for your diagnosis. By clearing out your bone marrow, basically the heart of the immune, your current blood stem cells and defective lymph system will be purged. The newly donated blood stem cells from a donor, should restore a healthy immune system to you once again. However, it will never be quite as robust as the ‘factory installed model’ but still very effective.

GVHD (graft vs host disease) is a potential downside to having an allo transplant. However, it is that very effect of ‘graft vs leukemia or graft vs tumor’ that makes this type of transplant successful. So it’s important to have some reaction to the transplant. There have been advancements in preempting some of the more severe complications of GVHD during the recovery period. Mayo Clinic has been at the forefront of this mitigating program for several years having introduced the new protocol a couple of years after my transplant.
When I had my transplant, like @alive, I fully trusted my doctor and his team to keep me safe and healthy. They wanted a successful outcome as much as I did.
I had the same concerns you have about gvhd. My doctor and his team were very upfront telling me about potential gvhd side effects. Bottom line: They couldn’t tell me what, where or when or if it would happen but that IF it did occur they’d handle it! And they did! I’m coming up on 7 years post transplant, feel as though nothing ever happened and enjoying my life…that I wouldn’t have if not for the transplant. I’d have been gone 6 years ago.

The fact that you’re in remission now is fabulous. If a BMT is warranted and you’re a good candidate this may be a preferred time for the transplant. But that’s a discussion to have with a transplant doctor. I know you’re apprehensive, but this is a potential gift of a second chance at life…it has the potential to keep you in a durable remission.

Do you have an appointment with a transplant doctor yet? I can’t remember, are you in Phoenix?