Good Saturday morning!! Your words are so powerful they just seemed to wrap up and jump off the page like a huge heavy boulder. You are obviously so full of love and compassion. That can be the greatest advantage in life but also our most challenging in dealing with others who may not enjoy those advantages.
A few years back I did hypnotherapy that focused on "my behavior" towards some injustices I was dealing with. I know this therapy has made life enjoyable and has given me peace time and time again. If we focus on others and their reactions it is perpetual. Like a dog chasing it's own tail. When I became intimately aware and responsible for my own behaviors and reactions I regained my power in life.
Start with simple ideas, acknowledge others words and behaviors with loving words from your heart and soul level. If we constantly react we 'leave'ourselves and it is hard to find that "me" again, hope that makes sense?
Your daughter is grieving in a different space emotionally than you are. She doesn't hate you, she hates circumstances. Stay at that soul level when listening to her, give your entire self to just be a listener and hug when needed. Fix a nice dinner or snack, help her relax to take a nap or a quiet walk together. Always moving forward not backwards. Life can be so hard at times, only worry about your own behaviors and it can and will be better. Not that you/we all are doing anything wrong it just helps put things in perspective at a difficult moment. Some words are better said in a different time frame so choose wisely. I read not long ago that we are required to love our children, not the other way around. I silently cry many times when my boys get snippy. But I also know that they are trusting me to view them in a deep emotional time, knowing that I will never dishonor their place in my life and heart. Their every word is safe with me, a Mother is regarded differently from any other human in a child's life. Anger means hate sometimes and that is the word sometimes used, think of it as a deep cry for help and listen with those amazing motherly ears. We are not promised anything as parents, we are always expected to fix things, that is our challenge and our greatest blessing. Know that these words are only to help and not to hurt, being at peace begins with controlling our own actions and reactions. If this is not achieved then suffering takes it's mighty hold. Be well.

Thank yogood luck and hope this year is good to you. dottieu very good advise, it sounds like you have life by the tail,

I like this meaning as you stated here (Anger means hate sometimes and that is the word sometimes used, think of it as a deep cry for help and listen with those amazing motherly ears). I see anger as a way of not understanding each other, we should understand each other. You see the child when become angry because s/he wants to tell his mom or dad that s/he does not understand her/him. Kids do not learn how others in society could be good or bad comparable to their values except if parents teach them. If they have learn that all people are good, and that bad things are not existed they will get angry quickly.

@danybegood1 Hi Diane, it is good to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear that your children are having such difficulty with their father's death. While your daughter's words must hurt you terribly, perhaps it is a grief reaction. You might give her some time to process her grief and stay strong, I know that you want the best for your children and it is hard to see them so hurt. Best wishes to you and keep in touch. Teresa