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Aging of course is inevitable (unless you die young) and I've found it has many rewards, but I want to take a moment and consider how to deal with its stress and loss. I'm sure most have us have not reached our sixties and seventies without already experiencing the vicissitudes of life. So my question is--what has worked for you, as a rule, to address kinds of suffering that can't be avoided? I'd include, illness, loss of capacity, the suffering and death of others, and even mundane things like having to move or losing a job. I do feel we build resilience and self-knowledge as we go. Personally, I was very ill in my 20s and widowed in my early 40s. But fortunately I acquired a lot of strategies that work for me. Still, this is hardly one size fits all. So not looking for advice but rather to hear about other people's strengths. I would include humor and yes, a bit of whining to a good friend, in my toolbox to deal with life. You?
Replies to "Aging of course is inevitable (unless you die young) and I've found it has many rewards,..."
@mir123 This is a great question!
"what has worked for you, as a rule, to address kinds of suffering that can't be avoided?" My regular mindset follows a fairly logical pattern, rather than emotional. My goal at this point is to have or create the best quality of life I can figure out. This means playing to the strengths I know within myself. Using appropriate humor. Figuring out how best to address any suffering, and making my life more palatable. I now use a cane full time, but the ones I have, have been "prettified"! Thinking and being logical about solutions. Understanding that others around me may be in similar situations and offering them a "place to land" and holding space for them.
Ginger
@mir123 Have had many stresses and disappointments, in life. What helps me best in the immediate time of the event, overthinking, or trauma, is to get physically busy doing a needed job that will take a good while. Works for me, almost always. I can think better, later.
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@mir123 A lot of the strategies I acquired to cope with loss in my high-energy 40s just don't work now that I'm 70 and have chronic cancer, a wonky heart valve, and a bad back.
I have learned to move on days when fatigue and dyspnea aren't bothering me and to knit and read when they are. So I always feel like I am accomplishing something.
I also have a keen eye for the ridiculous. For ex, my husband and I have taken to watching weiner dog races on YouTube after watching the godawful news.
Americans generally, however, want you to stay strong, be a warrior, fight the inevitable, and stay positive. They want to hear about your successes, not how some days are a big slog. (For those who find that hard to take or for whom the "warrior" metaphors don't work, I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich's "Bright-Sided.")
So many friends have died before their time, and I have no one I really want to confide in on bad days. So I find these anonymous support groups very helpful!