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Throwing money away: Balancing between autonomy & watchfulness
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 7 9:12pm | Replies (15)Comment receiving replies
My husband with LBD doesn't leave the house alone anymore. However, we went through a time when he was ordering items off the internet and charging them on his credit card. Many t-shirts and random items. Sometimes the shirts were the wrong size, or other items weren't what he thought they were, so I had to return them. We have an agreement now that if he wants to order something, he should show it to me first. Not necessarily for approval, but to review and make sure it is what he thinks. After a credit card bill of over $300, he agreed to this arrangement. It works for now.
I have a POA for finances and healthcare, most bills are in my name or both, and I manage the bank accounts.
It's a hard fine line to walk between independence and dignity and protecting your finances.
Caregiving is hard, and we grieve for the partnership we've lost. It's tough not to get resentful and angry about taking on additional responsibilities. I try to focus that resentment and anger at the disease and not my husband. I'm not always successful.
Replies to "My husband with LBD doesn't leave the house alone anymore. However, we went through a time..."
@pdraayer LBD and Captain~ you are doing very hard work. Mental stress on top of physically being tired much of the time is a constant drain with seemingly no place to turn for Help that really does help.
Have you tried volunteer or paid people to come to the home so you can get away for a few hours? I'm considering it, and writing up lists for a caretaker to refer to for issues; medications, food that's allowed, going outdoors, activities that could be beneficial.
None of us know what's just around the corner, and that's part of the stress each day. I, like LBD, try to focus on anger at the diseases, not at the person, when so many things go wrong. ... like clothing thrown in the wastebasket instead of the laundry, that kind of thing keeps me watchful. It's constant.
Reading what you've shared here does help me - knowing I'm not the only one struggling, and some containment ideas too.
I so much want to keep my DH alive, for those few times each day when we laugh together, when things seem normal, when life was good. Oh the memories, we have to hang on to those.
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@pdraayer thank you for sharing and validating that it is a hard fine line to walk between independence, dignity and protecting finances, The disease is brutal. My husband can't separate out the disease and who he is and self deprecates when he sees me take responsibility. It's hard for me to sort out what he can't and can do as the disease is fickle at best until each day I get a wow which feels like a gut punch and I say to myself, Really? And then I tighten the reigns to keep him safe as well as our finances. Driving is being addressed now too. He is able bodied and scores moderate to severe with cognitive decline on the Global Dementia scale. It feels like there is no "us" anymore. I have so much decision fatigue. This little tome here feels like a journal entry, a safe place for me to feel seen and for me to see myself. Thank you for seeing me here.