I am reading these posts with a great deal of sadness and empathy. I felt desperate for answers at a time in my life (about 18 years ago) when it seemed like my problems were overwhelming. I had loved ones who suffered from addictions, and my life seemed to revolve around "helping" them out of their problems and crisis. As a result, I felt I lived in a state of continuous turmoil and my self-esteem suffered. Fortunately, I found a 12 step program (Al-Anon) that has helped me immensely. I've found a fellowship of people who love me in a special way, just like I love them (although we may not all like each other). We share our experience, strength, and hope and encourage each other when we're down. When I'm feeling particularly bad about myself, I use the tools of the program (e.g. acceptance, a gratitude practice, my daily readings, my higher power, and regular meetings) to guide me toward a more positive outlook. Today I live in genuine peace, have a better relationship with my loved ones, and I mostly look forward to each day. As I'm aging, I too am not always pleased with the physical changes, but I'm so grateful to have an opportunity for continued spiritual, intellectual, and emotional growth that it seems like a fine trade-off.

I know that Al-Anon isn't for everyone, but I hope you find something like it to help you. I believe we all deserve to live a serene and joyful life, no matter our age or circumstances. The trick is finding it for ourselves, and we may find help through the support of others facing the same challenges.