@jrelliott If it’s any consolation, my husband was the same way, got into the “You’re not the boss of me” mode- wouldn’t let me setup a medication box or remind him, wouldn’t eat the balanced diabetic meals I cooked, wouldn’t shower or change clothes, wouldn’t listen to me or anyone about Assistive Living.
THEN- he woke up more confused, almost a delirium. I called the PCP practice, asked for an appointment that day with anyone at any office, signed up to see a PA at an office I used GPS to find, the PA examined him, sent us directly to the ER, they admitted him, diagnosed with brain encephalopathy ( they thought due to med and diet craziness). When he was ready to go, the hospitalist and neurologist refused to sign for him to return home. I refused to drive him home, he didn’t have a cell phone or his wallet to call someone or a taxi. The doctors told him he had to go to AL “for now” for PT, to rest and recover, etc. The hospital social worker made the arrangements for a local AL I knew well. I drove home and packed clothes, bedside clock, small TV, family photos, drove to the AL and set everything up, met with the admin and nursing teams, etc. The next day, I paid for wheelchair transit as I was afraid if I drove him, he’d refuse to get out of the car. They told me not to visit for a few days so he could “settle in”.
That was 4 years ago, he is at his healthiest in years with the structure of the facility and that the meds, meals, showers, help needed is provided by pleasant young ladies and gentlemen, who tease him and laugh with him. He quickly found a guy friend group, who he sits with for meals and out on the patio in good weather. He found two Navy guys by their ballcaps and sits with them too.
So, if there’s no convincing her, something that will send her to the hospital will give you and family an opportunity to put an end to this falling house-of-cards. As others have mentioned, it is very hard to get guardianship and takes a long time, including court time.
Important Tip- Go to the PCP office FIRST, if they send her to the ER, she will get extra attention as it’s a transfer from an MD office. If you take her to the ER first, they will most probably see her as just one more demented GOMER (Get Out of My Emergency Room) and send her home with you. Can you tell I used to work in hospitals?