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Convincing someone with dementia they need to move to assisted living
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 2 9:12am | Replies (35)Comment receiving replies
Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. Six months ago I would have said she could have moved to a retirement community with someone coming in twice a day for meds. Now I think she needs assisted living with someone coming in for meds and to take her to the store and to check on her. I have been taking her to all of her appointments and making sure she gets what she needs. Her friend takes her to jazzercize once a week. She still cooks for herself and does her laundry. She failed the driving test her neurologist had her take at the Local Rehabilitation Center run by Occupational Therapists in conjunction with the DMV. I took her keys because she was driving with a suspended license. She was really upset that she couldn’t go to the grocery store by herself. She was going every other day and buying the same things. She calls me and is very upset saying she needs her keys and that I need to bring them back to her.
If i am doing something and tell her what I’m doing and why, she will continue to ask what I’m doing and why about every minute that passes. She is easily frustrated and gets angry. I think she now needs to move to assisted living, but I don’t want to drag her out of her home. I do keep mentioning that I think she would be happier around more people and moving would be a way to be around more people. She agrees, but then says she is not ready to move.
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@jrelliott
Sounds like it will probably take an emergency before you can get her out of there, like she falls or forgets to turn a burner off. Scary.
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@jrelliott , these things sound familiar. If you were to stay in her house with her, you would probably discover even more disturbing facts. I found spoiled food in my cousin’s fridge that she was convinced was still edible, piled up mail with insurance expired, stockpiled items cause she kept buying stuff repeatedly, obsessions, not taking meds though claiming she was, etc. Neighbors shared stories of incidents and their concerns.
I immediately got her a doctor’s appointment and started trying to get her assessed and placed in assisted living. Which I did. Unfortunately, it became apparent that she really needed memory care, which is a specialized unit. Assisted living staff will provide reminders and assistance, but when dementia requires more than that assisted living refers to memory care. I wasn’t aware how that worked. So, in the assessment, it’s important for them to have more info than just the person being assessed.
While I was trying to assist my cousin while she was in her home, I got a call from Emergency responders who were at her home. I was enroute to her place at the time. They had responded to neighbors who called when she was yelling for help from her front porch and waiving her arms in distress. Upon arrival she seemed fine, but there was definitely something wrong. I explained I was working on getting her help. I knew that if I didn’t adult protective services would step in. So, if she continues to live alone and progress with her symptoms, I’d be prepared for an emergency call or a call from adult protective services, because someone else who sees the situation may report it. AND doctors will sometimes report it to adult protective services. I’d speak with an attorney about it to help sort out your responsibilities, if any. It’s unnerving to await the crisis that will eventually occur when someone who isn’t competent is unattended.
Good luck with everything. I will say that my cousin did much better when she got the proper level of care. It was a relief to me as well. ……almost forgot.
My cousin’s doctor told us that she needed assisted living and that living alone was not an option. I knew what she meant.