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Convincing someone with dementia they need to move to assisted living
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Feb 2 9:12am | Replies (35)Comment receiving replies
My sister is 78 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a year ago. She lives by herself but has no pets. She has recently begun to decline. I have to leave her notes about her day if she has appointments and if someone is coming over to visit or pick her up. She forgets to take her medicine, has become very judgmental, and at times mean. I took her car keys a month or so ago and she keeps calling me mad and insisting I bring her keys back. She asks the same questions over and over. Her friend and I have discussed with her about moving to a retirement community with assistance and she is not interested. She says those places are for “old people” and that she is more active than they are, which is not true. She says she is not moving.
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@jrelliott , does she have transportation available to do what she needs, like getting to doctor appointments, groceries, etc,?
Is there anyone else who is responsible for her? Because in order to gain authority to make decisions for her own safety, you may need to get Guardianship by the court. That’s a huge responsibility. With that, you decide where she lives. I’d consult with an Elder law attorney to explore what that involves and if you have grounds. Each state’s laws vary.
There are facilities for those who have dementia and aren’t keen on being there. A professional could inquire what level of care she currently needs. Most people who need memory care aren’t able to use good judgment about their situation. They aren’t likely to appreciate it’s for their own safety. Often they aren’t happy about it, repeatedly say they want to leave, insists they don’t need to be there. So, unless there are special circumstances, it’s unlikely she will be convinced. I might adjust the expectations about it.
If her doctor tells her she needs to go in for “rehab”…..that’s what we called it when my cousin needed to go. We explained it was temporary, so that she could get her meds adjusted, nutrition on track, PT to work on balance, etc…..It made sense and was rather true too, but I knew my cousin was there permanently as she had severe dementia. Within weeks she was double incontinent. She soon went to memory care where she forgot about her home. She was content though and seemed to relax due to the good care.
Good luck! It’s a lot of work and very frustrating.