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Blaming and anger: How do you deal with it?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Jan 31 8:00pm | Replies (87)Comment receiving replies
@gilkesl M husband with worsening dementia, gets upset if he feels I am treating him as a child. I have been living by these rules,but Ifind them difficult:
Developing special sense dealing with people with memory issues begins with three Golden Rules:
GOLDEN RULES OF DEMENTIA
-Don’t ask direct questions
-Listen to the expert – the person with dementia – and learn from them
-Don’t contradict.
It works. I don’t argue with him or have unreasonable expectations. I never use the word “Remember when…”
I have trouble being so submissive in what was a very equal relationship before this wretched disease.
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@shewhowatches1
I don't know if the "walk away" comments above resonate with you. I don't need to do it often but I found that it was a really important option.
- Most importantly, it takes you away from a situation that is corrosive to your feelings and dignity.
- It takes your Person out of their combative groove.
- It also keeps you from getting tense or angry which, of course, would make your Person reactive.
- It can, if used regularly, register with them as a boundary situation to avoid.
It is what others have said but I thought it was worth repeating because of that last line of your post. I think that things like not contradicting on fairly neutral matters feels like love bestowed as an equal, not capitulation, But if it spills over into taking verbal abuse that feels like you are being forced to be submissive, that threatens your sense of equality, your sense of dignity, and possibly even your love.
Stay whole.