@sandyar

I will give you my honest answer. My husband hasn't been able to drive for almost 3 years and he still hasn't gotten used to it. He begs me for the car keys, and he thinks that I am being mean to him. He has 2 different personalities. When he is lucid he sometimes understands but when he is not, he is very difficult. He often has said that he wants to run away and he goes into our garage and gets into the car and try's to use his house key to start the car. Three years ago his neurologist explained that when someone who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and still drives gets into an accident they could be sued and could lose their home. This actually happened to one of his patients. There is no way my husband could drive because he even gets confused sometimes on how to find our bedroom in our one-story modest home.

sandyar... There have been several caregivers on this site who have said that their spouses have been O.K. with not driving so maybe your husband will be too.

Hopefully, he will surprise you and he won't be too angry.

Hi @sandyar

Sorry to hear this. Definitely have the doctor be the bad guy in this. Even so, you may get blamed, as I did.

I wish I had googled "how to help someone through a deep disappointment that cannot change" when we were going through the long difficult time after my husband could no longer drive. The articles that come up in that search tell you how to help your partner evolve in their thoughts/emotions in the face of a disappointment such as this one.
- At first, listen only and validate. My husband was a great driver and proved himself on that. when he lost his license, it seemed like a negation of that track record. I tried to validate how good his driving was often when he got in a funk about it.
- I like this one: Allow for wallowing. I experienced the folly of trying to cut that short. I think that 2 or three times I sat him down to explain why this had come about. And that I was not the cause of it. It didn't have much effect.
- Avoid triggers -- We had two cars. when he couldn't drive any more, I did not take him out in his car, so that he woudl not have that sense of being replacd
- A choice bit:
"...stop trying to fix it. Disappointment doesn’t need a silver lining right away. It needs presence. Witnessing. Space.

You don’t need perfect words. You just need to be willing to sit in the mess with them. Say, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here.” Say, “That’s so unfair.” Say, “I see how much this sucks.”" -- Lisa Durik"

Once you see an opening you can help them accept the new reality. In our case it took a long time. We did lots of things he liked, so he did not have the opportunity to be mad about it all the time. Eventually he just got used to being a passenger.

best of luck!

@sandyar

Sometimes I am patient and sympathetic and at other times I beg him to stop with the anger regarding not being able to drive. I tell him to be appreciative of the fact that I can do all of the driving. My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 3 years ago and he is getting quite advanced, so the truth is no matter what I say he still can get upset about not being able to drive. Many times, I have had to call my grown children to talk him out of the car in the garage. He often thinks that I am a strange person in our house so he will listen to them when he won't listen to me. However, I know this is odd but there are times we are driving when he tells me thank you for driving.
sandyar....in answer to your question I would say that I am not handling it well or poorly I am just doing the best that I can through a flood of tears.